Questions to the Ruminators

If you could go back in time, to one particular period in your life, which one would you pick?
If you could change anything you wanted in the past, what would you change?
Why?
Because I believe that everything happens for a reason.
Do you?
I doubt these are the effects of taking philosophy class but I woke up thinking of this and wanted to hear what you think, so feel free to answer. :D That is my favourite new smiley, by the way.

Exams are over, and I'm bracing myself for the inevitable clean up my mom is going to put me through. My allies are busy today, so none of them can save me; one is PMS-ing(which is no excuse to me,hrmph) and the other is entertaining a guest in her house(fine, she gets away). Basically, I am left alone in the hands and subtle criticism of my mommy(whom I love, make no mistake, but we will start a Cold War in about 3hours from now). What makes everything worthwhile is the fact that I am leaving to Penang in 3 days from now and I am holding onto my chair to keep from jumping around because I am very excited.

Music lessons beckon me, I must go now.

December

Songs I croon to these days:
1. I'll Be There- Sade
2. Vibrate- Rufus Wainwright
3. PDA (We Just Don't Care)- John Legend
4. Perfect Exceeder- Mason vs. Princess Superstar
5. Inner Glow- Blue October
6. Black Orchid- Blue October
7. It's A Heartache- Bonnie Tyler
8. The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore- James Morrison
9. Always- Jon Bon Jovi
10. all the love songs because singing feels great

Hallo. I've been awfully busy ignoring this space. So this is what my December looks like (hey,that was a song by Linkin Park, wow, nostalgia).

7th December- a visit to KLIA to greet my other half (holy cow I'm waiting for that)
12th December- exams are officially over and hopefully so is my stay at Help University College
16th-19th December- a Penang trip with the CFP centre of Help for Play Therapy and rendezvous with my darling. Nyaha

On behalf of a good friend: pls go see this play- The Illusion which will be playing from the 13th-22nd of December at 8.30pm. For more details, pls call 0172276428. Tickets are priced at rm20. Do it now or I'll sucker-punch you (wow, I should try the advertising field).

Exams are making me feel less human so I think I sound quite like a robot these days. How is it possible to fit so many words in such small spaces? Like my head.

See you when i'm more homosapien-ish.
If that happens.

Chew On This

Buongiorno. Technically it's not daytime anymore so, Buon Serra to all. I don't know where Italian came from at 2 in the morning,but this is what philosophy assignments do to you.

I think it was insanely sweet for the clove smoker to ask me to update myself here, so this is for you, ok? (By the way Sebastian, if only more girls knew what you were made of, they'd be lining across the blocks to be with you. I hate that they don't).

Recently, I've been forced to take a proper look at the people around me, those who know me, talk to me, laugh with me and so on. I could only count a few who would cry for me though. But I was not disappointed at all, because they are the ones who matter the most. I am exceptionally lucky to have these people around me and I cannot explain how grateful I am to them.

As for the people who come in your lifes, then walk away when they don't need anything from you, well I find you despicable. I know that you understand what I'm saying. I think the best of us have experienced these individuals. Sadly, they're everywhere, more common than you think. They're not bad people though, that's what I've come to learn. They're just a tad too self-absorbed, as we all tend to get sometimes.

What pisses me off is when it happens to people who don't deserve it (you know who you are). These people I speak about are wonderful human beings. They're caring, kind, smart, helpful, thoughtful, protective and funny. That is just to name a few of their defining characteristics. Yet we have mindless people walking away from them, acting as if they don't exist and generally, snubbing them for no apparent reason. It makes my blood boil and my hands curl into a fist. The people I know, cherish and love deserve this the least, yet this is what were thrown in their faces. I just want to say that I hope they don't bother feeling hurt or let down. I hope that they take it as a lesson, that some people will walk away, not knowing what they're doing to us inside. When they come to you next, you don't have to turn them down out of spite, because you're better than that, but you shouldn't have to devote any extra time or energy for them, because they sure as hell don't deserve it.

I want you to know that it's their own fat frackin' loss. Oh, they have lost wonderful company, I know that for sure.
So to the losers and idiots who walk away from people like my beautiful friends, it's too bad dude. I got 'em and I ain't lettin' go. Pfft. I'd like to bitch-slap you to Somalia so they can perform genital mutilation on you but I'm still trying to hold on to my beliefs of ahimsa (non-violence). It's getting hard though.
Signing off now before I burn holes on my screen with my macho face.

I'll come back with less aggression. 13 days until the assignments die (finish). I'll kill (finish) 'em all, pwomise.

Conquests

So...

Today, Sally and I conquered Simple Present Tense(s). One hour of today was spent on yelling "We like! She likes! He likes! You like!" After many attempts, she was finally able to grasp this underrated concept and proceeded to declare "I know, I know, I know!" (Something she does quite often, bright button that she is.) It was great, to say the least. The list of people I'm going to miss is getting longer as the days go by. Due to my extremely frequent trips to the gas station down the road, I'll be obliged to miss the Caltex dudes too, or rather, they'll miss the huge influx of I-Talk sales I made possible. Phone cards are essential when you have loved ones in other (stupid) countries.

There's a big prayer function going on in my house on Sunday and it's truly madhouse central over here. Mom and Grans are in a frenzy and I am caught in the crossfires but what else is new, ei? All said in good humour, I'm used to the steady stream of visitors that seem to think my house is a hotel-cum-clubhouse.

The work is piling as the peak of the semester draws near; the apex in the life of any Psychology student studying in Help (I'm saying this with a straight face, I swear)*DRUMROLL*... The Annual Psychology Colloquium. Yes folks, it's that time of the year again and you're about to see something highly amusing, sad and degrading all at the same time; hundreds and hundreds of students scurrying around, shedding their own blood, sweat and tears, not to mention possibly risking their own lifes (and perhaps those around them) to win the title of best oral presentation.
Nothing wrong with being the best, obviously, it's just not worth all that trouble when most of the presentations are worth zero in the final grading scheme of any given Psychology subject (not to mention it's worth nothing in the long run of The Big Picture). Most of us can barely see even the corner of the picture, ei?

Moving on from less provoking thoughts, I can't wait for December (stating the bloody obvious, aren't I).
Also, they opened a new discount bookstore in Amcorp that I just discovered and prodded thoroughly on the previous Saturday. If you can believe that, they've been open since the end of last year but were formerly located in a smaller space (but I honestly don't know how I missed it because, for one- it's bright orange and for two-well, it's a bookstore). My conclusion however is; they're selling bestsellers at half the price MPH charges, so to hell with that ripping-off outlet (I still love you, MPH).
I recently got back She's Come Undone (a Wally Lamb classic by the way, and if you didn't know that, SHAME ON YOU) from Nim and oh, the relief.

Oh and Syar, I still don't like your top ten list idea okay. It's insane, I don't even know how you had the audicity to suggest it!! Madness, I tell you!
(She suggested I only pack 10 of my favourite books with me to Perth). I know, crazy right?
Alright, fine I'm the nut here. It's still a dilemma (the book problem, not my nutsiness), so somebody help.

I'm off to try and get some work done. I said try, you don't have to laugh.
Loves to all =D

Couldn't Keep It To Myself

After two years of having purchased the book, I finally finished it and I am kicking myself for not having read it sooner. Wally Lamb(ed)and the Women of York Correctional Institution: Couldn't Keep It To Myself. To state that it is an eye-opener is a gross understatement. I have never cried so hard while reading a book and after, seriously,and trust me I am the kind who cries with most books and movies, even before the person gets killed off the storyline. Oh I cried, and I wept, but I challenge you to read the book and remain dry-eyed. Even the most stoic of you will be bawling, I am willing to bet this and why, you ask? Simply because the women's stories are so raw, so real and at the same time so ghastly that you almost want to stop reading. Nevermind if you cry or not, just read it, seriously. Ever single complaint you ever made will seem completely redundant when you read this. It is altogether a humbing experience and I was compelled to stand up straight and salute these women; these are the real fighters.

Us women have come a long way, but this book clearly shows that we have so much more left. So let's not ever stop, just like these women. We are lucky that we don't have to be scared in our own homes, that we have somewhat normal lives and that we have the freedom to do as we wish. These women learnt their lessons but some of them are still incarcerated. So while they're still in there, let's speak for them, and the million others who have to be quiet about their slowly unraveling insanity.

Hurry up and read it, seriously.

Sing, sing, sing

Me song list:
1. Come Back To What You Know -Embrace
2. Special Needs -Placebo
3. The Way -Fastball
4. Amber -311 (an old favourite)
5. I Will Come To You -Hanson (nostalgia!)
6. Forget To Remember -Mudvayne
7. Love Will Come Through -Travis
8. Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Bikini -unknown (yes, don't ask)
9. Our Farewell -Within Temptations
10.Climbing Up the Walls -Radiohead (more nostalgia)

Funny Conversations:
(Nim's house, a laid-back evening of playing Speed...)

Nim: *hums an Edwin McCain song that's playing on the radio*
Me: Oo, but I like the other one better, u know, I Could Not Ask For More?
Nim: *looks very confused* Which one? Sing a bit?
Me: Lying here with you, listening to the rain, *gestures wildly with a card hoping
to jog Nim's foggy memory* lalalala, something something something.
Nim *stares some more*
Me: These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive. These are the moments...
Nim: *pauses* Eh girl, you can sing-la.
Me: *stares at Nim* I sing to you every time we're in the car and now you throw this
compliment at me??
Nim: Yes, but you can sing.
Me: *at loss for words*

By the way, we have a new addiction these days; it's called Take Two and damn, it's fun! True, it's a word game, but we love words, don't we? Don't worry, Speed is still around, it's just that T.T. takes precedence now.
Also, I have a confirmed seat on the 6th of February and am on the waiting list for both the 5th and the 7th. With the way time is flying, I don't think it'll feel like 5months gone by when I finally have to say goodbye. Hey, that rhymes.

I shall come back here when I continue reading my books because those have taken a backseat to the damn assignments. Damn you, you and you.

Take care all.

This Includes a Rant

Hewwo.

Here are a few random things, because there is no possible way I can be organized; at least, not with my thoughts.

1. Books!!! (I've been on)
a. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (yep, still but only because textbooks get
in the way).
b. I Couldn't Keep it To myself by Wally Lamb (& the women of York Correctional
Institution) - I need my dose of humanity
c. Matrix Warrior by Jake Horsley (which I've been annoying Sebastian with)

2. Referring to point a. yes I have been actually studying, now please do close your
mouths, it is terribly rude for you to gape at me like that. Here's the punchline though, it can actually be enjoyable at times, especially if it's philosophy or substance abuse. But I get pretty upset in Substance Abuse class, I don't know why but I am very, very sensitive when it comes to the topic of drugs (yes, I am aware that I am an abuser myself, but well it's licit, ok??). I become majorly upset when I hear about the effects on people and the withdrawal symptoms. This is mainly the reason I was so shaky at the damn rave thing, I could see the fools on their high. Yep, I'm a fool too, I know I know (but well James Dean did it ok??).

3. Watched The Holiday and liked it but my DVD started bitchin' around chapter 24 so I got angry and turned on Astro instead. Caught the first half of Mercury Rising and left it halfway through because I realized I had enough anxiety-inducing moments for the day.

4. Ok, here's a rant: I can't stand to say I'm a feminist to people anymore because of the stupid reactions and comments I get:

"Oh, you hate men la."
"So you don't like dressing up and wearing nice clothes?"
"You can't be, you have a boyfriend!"

I mean, seriously? Is everybody still 4-years old and/ living under a frackin' rock? If so, please allow me to correct your extremely faulty misconception about feminism and all the moronic stereotypes that accompany this ideology.
A feminist does not need to be someone who has an overpowering urge to line up all the men in the world and shoot them in the nuts, in fact, this is NOT a prerequisite to being one (don't believe everything you hear, for Pete's sake). A feminist is simply someone who desires and wants the injustice towards women (who make up half the human population, by the way, NOT less than men unlike popular belief) to be put to an end. That is the simplest way I can put it, without getting into too much detail. Also, YES, even men can be feminists, this doesn't make you less of a man, do not fret, it just makes you even more attractive to the ladies, if anything.

However, having said that I cannot stand it, doesn't mean that it'll stop me. I do believe that this can be corrected with more awareness,so please do pass on the message.
Do you enjoy hearing about domestic abuse? No? I thought so. There you go, a feminist in your own right.

5. Ok, end rant (I had to and I will not apologize). Been going to Geeta classes at the Ashram on Thursday nights and it's doing me good, I must say. Also, my room is currently cleaner than it's ever been since I first moved in 7 years ago. God, it's been 7 years!

6. Still doing the tuition thing, but the mother has temporarily stopped classes with me as her mother is in town so she is doing the whole quality-time jig. I totally understand but feel I should be doing more than just having one little girl to teach (although it is so great I swear). The other day we were talking about gender (which I hate because they already re-inforce the nurse=women and doctor=men thing in the vocab books that I use) and she told me that she didn't like being a girl and when I asked her why, she replied "Because I don't like girl" (which got a very enthusiastic reply from my end). It was too cute and also she learnt what bubbles were on Saturday, so I promised her that I'd bring some of mine and we could have a blowing session in between lessons. She was so excited she started yelling Bubbles over and over again for the rest of the class. Also, I love the Wrong-Way Rabbit. Hee. Believe it or not, they don't have nice story books here for kids that I can get for a reasonable price because I try not to charge for the materials so if anybody knows of a good place, please do speak up. I have a soft spot for Rapunzel now because that's the first story I read to her and if I'm right she totally adored it.

Ok, so more later, my wuvs to all, all, ALL. Wee.

I'm In

So, guess what?

I got the offer letter from Curtin, University of Technology. Can you say weeeeeee?
Hee. I'm going to Perth, baybey. I think I'm still trying to wrap my head around this and I'm being a bit cautious I suppose in terms of getting carried away because I still have to send in the acceptance letter and a whole bunch of other things but I am very happy.

It is here that I must ask all those who matter (and you know who you are, right right?) to please meet up with me and let's spend more time together so I won't forget you when I go away. Hah, I'm kidding. But let's do that alrighty? You can even help me with the the whole shopping extravaganza that is sure to take place as long as my mom is in charge (MIL, you need winter clothes, new clothes, Perth clothes, etc) so please, I request for volunteers to come with me when my Mom drags me to every shopping mall in the vicinity of Klang Valley (yes, I loathe shopping, except if we're going to a bookstore.)

Also, if you have any advice or tips to share about anything and you feel you must impart your wisdom, please, don't keep silent, feel free to share and share you must. I especially need advice on how I'm going to export my entire bookshelf to Perth (I cling to the hope that this is still possible and not at all expensive, I know I'm naive) so please do get cracking on that toughie.

Thank you to all of you who reminded me not to worry, I shall keep this in mind, you did help, even if I still looked like a nervous wreck. That's just my face, alright?

See you in a bit, dahlins'.

Research

Song: Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice

Hehe, old school babyy! Has anyone heard the version done by the South Park's character, Timmy? It's so cute, Timmy's my favourite. Check him out in the episode of Special Olympics, that was a good one. You see a young kid injecting himself with steroids. Sigh, how sad is that? Speaking of steroids, my Substance Abuse lecturer is awesome. One good lecturer this semester should be enough to motivate me, I suppose? We have a literature review to do on the relationship between substance abuse and crimes and I think it's pretty interesting. I'm pretty much lost in Philosophy though so I have to read more. We have a group assignment for that and I paired up with this dude who doesn't seem as lost as the others so perhaps there's hope there. Nyah. But the questions for the assignment are mind-boggling I swear. I sound so blonde, forgive me, but it's all quite new to me. Ah well hopefully I shall catch up instead of lagging behind like a lone sheep.

Enough about asses, I want to tell you about some other research that I've been doing. I recently visited this website about Sindhi Festivals. Yes, you read right, but I had a special reason for it. Nyaha. So get this, on Friday there is a festival called Teejri, which are for married woman and young women who aspire for good husbands (well, don't we all?). The women are required to fast the whole day and only break this fast when they catch sight of the full moon in the night. It's pretty fun to go moon-sighting, because I remember when I was younger and my Mom had kept the fast, we went around the neighbourhood looking for the moon. It was a cloudy night so we literally had to go chasing for it. Then, when we did find it, we yelled for Mom to hurry and do the honours (which were getting out of the car to perform a prayer). Moon-catching, doesn't that sound swell?
This is followed by the woman's first meal of that day. In other regions, it is called Karwachauth and it is performed slightly differently. If you've ever watched a Hindi movie, you would know that the woman is required to hold up a sift at the moon and then shift the sift to her husband's face. It sounds a bit more romantic I suppose because the husband is actually present for what is usually the "ladies day in" as opposed to the Sindhi version. But then again, I've only seen movies of it. Movies are usually more romantic than real life, no?

Picked up a book recently called Heart's Delight by a Swedish author called Per Nilsson, and it is translated from Swedish to English thus it has that charm to it. I find translated items quite simplistic but very beautiful all at once.

Still no news from bloody Australia about the application and everyone is getting edgy. I think it's quite possible that they lost my copy. Geez, what a pain. I'm giving them one more week before I re-apply through the Help admin (who for some reason have been reasonably competent).

Dad's been raving about this movie called Blind Date, according to him it's fantastic. My dad sees all the movies (I'm not kidding, I'm like way behind him) so for him to say that, must be true. So go watch it when you have the chance.

Loves to all, and a wink to my Babes.

Shut Up and Listen

So, Mom's been looking for a job. She's been doing that, actually, since, well...forever. But the good news is that she actually found one. A work-at-home-typist sort of thing. The cynic in me is thinking that it's a scam but the optimist in me reasoned that if it is she'll only be losing 10bucks (which is alright in the grand scheme of things, I suppose). The 10bucks is for the 'training material' that they will send to her e-mail account and after she 'trains herself' she would apparently be ready to earn money, right from the house! Sorry, that's miss sarcastic coming out again. Whatever it is, I'm just hoping she'll get a move on it. I'd rather she work at a 'proper' working environment, because when you work from home (not that I've done it, but this is my opinion), you don't get the same experience that you'd get in a roomful of people working with you. Meeting people, both clients/customers and colleagues is so much a part of it, isn't it?

Moving on to less frustrating news,
College started today. First day was good, as it usually is. In fact, I don't remember ever having an un-nice first day. This is probably because first days are filled with such hope and unrealistic thoughts. For example- I am SO going to get an A in this course, I mean, it's a given. I'll just work my ass off, and goddamnit, I WILL this time. Then you know, a couple of weeks later, you're falling asleep in class and the lecturer that you thought would turn out okay is boring you halfway to hell. Another example- I am totally going to take notes and pay attention, so help me God! Then you know, a mere couple of hours later, you're doodling lyrics from songs you've forgotten you knew.
You get my gist, and I know you feel me.
But I was supposed to move on to less frustrating news, wasn't I? Aiks, but well, I thought I'd be honest to myself for a change. And yet you know, here I'm secretly hoping I'll prove myself wrong. Ah, time will tell.
Realistically though? I do know I can do it. I do know that I am capable of pulling a decent grade. But let's face it, Pysch is psych, and it's just not as fun as the arts. And by Arts I mean Sociology. Har har. (Note to readers who are confused, there are still certain piggies out there who brand Sociology and the likes as Soft Science, or rather...Arts. I suppose you'd call quantum phsyics the whole truth and nothing but the truth ei? Note to piggies- there is no truth. Lesson #1). Bwahaha. I am scaring myself.
Ok, but I do have to do well. Or I miss my last shot of getting to Curtin on time. By God, I should scare myself that way.

Another thing I'd like to say, I may be stating the obvious (as we all sometimes do), but, this is pissing me off again and again.
The most pressing problems that people face tend to involve their supposed "other half" or a "potential other half". But you know, if that person is really your other half, or someone that's supposed to mean alot to you, he/she would not be troubling you this way. For some reason, all I've been hearing lately is how this oh-so-important person has been letting you down and/or ruining your life. By you, I mean anybody I care for or anybody else for that matter, reading this.

Oh, I can only tell you this. Get out. Now. Run if you have to, run, scream all the way down the hill, cover your ears, duck, dodge, hop, skip but please, if you have one single ounce of self-respect (it doesn't have to be alot, just a teeny-tiny little bit will do), that is what you should do. Get out of the mess before it gets messier. Oh, I would tell you some more but I choose not to. It is not my place anyway. Must insert disclaimer here- I am not, in any way, judging you, trust me (this is simply because I have no right to as I was waist-deep myself).

Oh, I know what you'll tell me. All the But's, all the What-If's. I know, I know. However, let's just all take a moment and think: what would you do if I told you all those things would never change? That ten years later, you'll still be saying..But...what if...
There can only be a yes or a no. If it's a no, then you have your answer. Therefore, you don't have any more reasons (doesn't matter if they're rational or otherwise, it only has to make sense to you) to stay in the eye of the storm.
Yes, one more thing. Listen to your own head. Just shut up and listen.

I'll end with some good news. To make a long story short, I have now a better chance of getting accepted to Curtin, but I don't want to say anything further, lest I jinx it. Basically after talking to one of the Helpers (hee-haw) I felt slightly more optimistic.
Cross your fingers, all of you.

Something's Coming

It has come to my attention that I haven't been writing (Gee Mil, aren't you a whiz). So here I am.

India was so blah that I will not and cannot bring myself to bore anybody with details. I will only say this much. If and when my mother decides to attends somebody's wedding in another country, I will refuse to go along even when she turns her pleading eyes onto me and lectures me about "family". I can show my appreciation for family by sending a basket of chocolates (which will get more attention than me in the flesh).

Anyhoo, it is good to be home despite the anticipated dread I feel tingling in my being that I won't be here for long. It is completely ironic how I want time to speed by and slow down all at the same time. Have not heard from Curtin, I shall be pestering them soon, in hopes of hearing good news. I could not bear it if it is anything else.

Random note- I have mehndi on my right hand and 4 scars on my body (that will probably go away). A certain sort of rash has developed on the inside of both my arms. Damn that India. Also, I met a baby so cute that decided to pull my hair so hard and give me a scratch so deep on my right arm. This one's healing pretty quickly. However, I got scratched by Nimmy's cat yesterday and this was because I didn't let her play with the strings on my pants. I mean, it's my pants, kitty. Get your own. Fourthly, while closing my car door (rather, while banging my car door shut) I forgot to remove my leg that happened to be in its way. Bang, another bruise appeared. So there you have it, a pretty patchwork of my little accidents.

I choose not to tell you how I spent the two weeks before I left for India because it was sacred to me in a way and also, I don't want to freak you guys out. Har har.

After finishing the Ya-ya's, I was reading Robin Cook's Vital Signs which was a total letdown. When the good guys (by that I mean the conventional, attractive mid-thirties woman with a fiery determination to solve the mystery) cracked the puzzle, there was no showdown with the bad guys. No court case, no fight scene, no confrontation, no nothing. Dissapointing, to say the least. I finished it on the plane and started P.J. Tracy which was pretty good. Suspense thriller and the ending was superb. She's pretty brilliant, funny too. This was followed by Maeve Binchy's Carousel which reminded me of Virginia Andrews, only less dramatic but nonetheless quite scandalous. New England people are fun to read about eh? I am now reading Josephine Hart's Damage. My current favourite is still the Ya-ya's. It blew me away and it's been awhile since a book has done that to me. Whoosh.

Whoosh you later people.

Must.Rave.

The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood is amazing. I can't say anything else in fear of spoiling it's brilliance. But I simply adore it. I especially love the way Wells totally indulges her readers with lovely descriptions of sights and smells. Such a delicious book. Please do dive in when you can!

p/s- Shall elaborate when I'm not so stupified and well, Nip/Tuck is playing.

Pop

Pop!
Just popped in for a few quick updates. Yes I am the new newscaster. Wee.
No I am not high (and neither was I high when I wrote that survey post, Ming- just to set the record straight).

1. I am leaving for India on the 27th, evening and returning to KL 6th, morning. I will be located at Bombay (apparently the Big Apple of India) and in honour of my aunt's wedding. I'm sure it's going to be beautiful but it's just bad timing so it pretty much sucks. Babes is leaving for Aussie on the 3rd. Please buy me ice cream and books to cheer me up. Hee. Nah I'd still be pissy and oh-so-weepy (you could sit with me and hand me tissue after tissue).

2. I have broken all my policies on tv series as I recently bought the entire first season of nip/tuck. End result: I am addicted (admitting it is the first step, ei). I am going to get a hard time for this, aren't I? Oh, but it's fantastic (even though it's ridiculously dramatic- but not in the Bold and Beautiful way, just simple, raw, fabulous acting skills). *the end of my world- I'm gushing about a television show other than F.R.I.E.N.D.S.*

3. Needless to say the past two weeks have been perfect; in a way it makes up for the past five months and it is going to be the thing that keeps me going for the next six. That and alot of comfort food (I have been steadily gaining weight- holy cow!)

4. A note to shaggy, my only one: Sometimes I get sad and frustrated because I know you are sad and frustrated, so I want to say sorry. I understand that the one of the reasons you feel those things is because we're apart, so I shouldn't force you to feel otherwise. I am sorry if I overwhelm you with my perkiness and/or cheerfulness. That is just me trying to get you to give me one of your little-boy smiles. I am always here for you, no matter what. In time, I will learn to deal with this, as we get to know each other better. I love you. I hope you understand where I'm coming from too. It takes two.

5. I miss the right hand terribly.

6. I recently picked up Tengku Halim's Vermillion Eye and I do not understand what the fuss is all about. I did not enjoy the way it was written (quite similar to Steinbeck's simple style of writing except slightly inferior) and although I understand that his usage of chauvinism was in a way to portray the mindsets and mood of the characters and theme respectively, I did not think it was completely necessary. Would you ever come across a sentence in a book where a women turns to another women and asks "Good f***?" Yea, I thought so. Gosh, that pissed me off. He simply pointed to the door (presumably where the man had just done the deed with a woman *it doesn't matter if she was a prostitute either, I can't remember if she was*) and says that line. It made my skin crawl.

7. I did not want to end on that note, so I should also mention (again, I think) that the Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood is well, divine.

Ta!

Little Old-School Me

Helloww. Shout-out to Jacq- you're back! (did that rhyme or was that just me?)

We love lists so let's make one:

1. The last thing that I thought I would say- I really enjoyed Die Hard 4.0, despite the shootings and explosions (although I must say that fire can be pretty if you ignore the damage it usually creates to the atmosphere and the screaming people it consumes). Yes I did watch it with my cuddle partner but the movie was actually pretty good (yes, we were watching the screen, don't start).

2. I am falling in love with Billie Holiday all over again; her sound is just so amazing. There's a special Billie Holiday CD that they're selling at the Starbucks counter and I have been eyeing it nonstop everytime I go there (my birthday's coming up, make a note, quick).

3. Currently reading Kate Milletts' Sexual Politics and it is so disturbing yet enlightening. Have decided to try the art of reading several books at the same time (i.e. not like in both hands but like alternate between a chosen three or four). Then realized that I'm already doing that. Dipped into Robin Morgan's The Word of A Woman yesterday and nearly started a full-fledged sobfest at the mamak. I stopped in time and cleverly dodged the lump in my throat. There was domestic abuse and you know the rest. Thanks to my paper for political science I am now binge-ing helplessly on feminist literature and thoroughly enjoying it. This is why I also have the Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells on standby (has been that way since early June). Kinda took a backseat when I excitedly discovered that feminist is considered an ideology therefore perfectly suitable for the aforementioned paper.

4. On to more exciting news (aha!) exams finished on Thursday by 2pm but like I told babes, I already felt like I was on holiday what with all the gloriousness I mentioned earlier. A whole bunch of us went to Chili's for drinks and dinner the same day. Headed to Telawi after that and realized that Bangsar is just getting sad.
Quote of the day: *makes an 0 with fingers while mouthing "zero!"* (that was the reaction we got from the guys we took to Bangsar while they were hunting for attractive people). can you say LOL. (I was in too good a mood to lecture them on being MCP's).

5. You better know what an MCP is.

6. Tuition is going well *knocks on wood* and they treat me very well. I get snacks, drinks and today the lady gave me Estee Lauder lipgloss for no blinkin' reason at all. Ah, the perks. Also, the swimming pool in their condo looks fab, I want to abuse my rights there (I have an access card). I have yet to start with the mother so am still a bit apprehensive. Also, I am having a problem explaining meanings to the kid; I can't draw for nuts and I am generally bad at describing/explaining things to people. This is why I rely on my stupid sense of humour. Suggestions, anyone, please. Thank you.

7. Nimmy turns 20 on Monday but will always act like a 4-year-old. We all will, won't we? Lots of love to Nimmmmy.

8. Payal's leaving at 10am on Wednesday, 11th July 2007. Much love and luck to you, dumbass. I know you want an iPod or a car or better yet a lot of cash but all I can give you is me. You'll always have me. Don't ever forget that. (You better be tearing you cold heartless stone, you).

9. I'm on break til' the second week of August. Can you say WEE?

10. Thank you babes for all our memories. I want to make more with you. And HAPPY 9TH ANNIVERSARY in advance! Yay us! *waits to be spoilt rotten tomorrow* heehee.

11. Here is my music these days.
a. Our Love Is Here To Stay- Billie Holiday
b. You Sexy Thing- Hot Chocolate
c. California Youth and Beauty- The Decemberists
d. I'm Looking Through You- The Wallflowers*
e. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds- Beatles*
f. I Feel Pretty- Julie Andrews
g. You've Got To Hide Your Love Away- Eddie Vedder*
h. Across the Universe- Rufus Wainwright*
i. Two of Us- Aimee Mann and Michael Penn*
j. Nowhere Man- Paul Westerberg*

* These songs are from the I Am Sam soundtrack and they are so brilliant. I can't even decide which one I like better- the soundtrack or the movie; both are supremely fantastic.

12. I want to watch Shrek 3.

Wee, off I go.

Cha-ching

What would I do if I won the lottery.

What kind of car would you buy?
- A beetle or Mr. Bean's car. I can't fit anywhere else anyway eh?

Where in the country would you move
to?
-In the country: I would move to the beachside and just set up camp there. Out the county I'd go to Bali! Also to the beachside!

What kind of house would u buy?
- A house made out of chocolate because I'm so loaded right now I can afford to EAT the damn thing.

Would you give your family any money?
- For sure, after eating my own house of course.

Would you give your friends any
money?
- No but I would buy them drinks,and like ship them to the beach too.

Where would you go on vacation?
- Oo everywhere, especially Europe. Ok yea, everywhere.

What luxury item would you buy first?
- A huge ass plasma TV for my dad.

Would it change your life?
- Most certainly it would in certain aspects.

Would you save any of it?
- Yes and I'd invest it in a good cause; namely a women's organization.

Would it change your current
relationship?
- Oo I'd spoil my babes rotten.

Would you quit your job?
- No I love my job! I'd get more jobs with all my financial superpowers no?

Would you ever work again?
- Yesh. I'd build a daycare center for kids and we could dance and sing to Itsy-Bitsy-Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini all day. NO MTV.

What one task would you never do
again?
- Look at my wallet and only see receipts?

What dream of yours would you be able
to do?
- Mentioned above. Oh and did you know that now you can go on vacation and contribute to society by volunteering? Now you do!

Would you change the way you dress?
- I doubt it, I'd buy a few more jeans though and use them til' they look like my current ones. It's a miracle my parents don't pass out from all the sighing and rolling-of-eyes that I encounter at home.

Would you change anything about your
body?
- No, I'm good thank you.

Would you miss anything about not
being rich?
- Perhaps I'd miss having to actually worry? Um, ok no.

Who would be the first person you
tell?
- Babes!

Would it bring you happiness?
-Not any more than when I was not-too-loaded. Happiness is a state of mind.

Talk to Me

1) Star Sign:
*leo*

2) What do pple call you:
*Mil, Milly, Milly-Willy [new edition], Mila, Dei[Payal has a variation of these] Babes[Viv has a variation of these :0]*

3) What are you hooked to at home:
*Laptop*

4) What beauty tips would you like to
share:
*Having a tummy is never the end of the world because women are supposed to have meat.* [ahem, you know who you are]

5) How do you keep fit:
*I'm not in the least bit fit.*

6) What's the weird thing pple don't
know about you:
*I'm pretty open with my weird-ness. Ok here's something nobody knows; I'm a righty but I brush my teeth with my left hand. I don't know what's up with that.*

7) What's your latest favourite scent:
*The pinkish bottle from Body Shop. Issey Miyake.*

8) What recipe would you share to pple
who are on diet:
*Oh. Don't diet.*

9) What's ur 'public' habit that isn't
obvious:
*I sing to every song in my car. In my head. Hehe.

10) What's ur long-term wish:
*To rule the world. Or just my little household. Hee.

11) What's your most evil deed:
*Oh boy. Just my voodoo abilites.*

12) What crime have you been into:
*Kidnapping people I love outta their houses. I always return them though.*

13) Whose your celebrity crush:
*Smeagol from LOTR.*

14) Are you a bisexual:
*No, but perhaps I was in another lifetime.*

15) Are you cute?
*I'm rodent-cute. =P*

16) Can virgins be sexy:
*Virginity is not directly correlated with sexiness, you prick.*

17) Are you always arrogant:
*I boast about the way I'm superman.*

18) Do you tell pple about your alter-
ego:
*All the time.I need someone to blame my shortcomings on, ei? Aha.*

19) What connects you easily to others:
*Everything but small talk.*

20) Which celeb's life would you like
to live into:
*Paris Hilton so I could spend all her money. See the way I think.*

21) What's your most common advice:
*Talk to me.*

23) Are you a good boy:
*I try.*

24) Do you snog guys from other races:
*I snog guys no more. Little boys are my specialty.*

25) If you were to rebirth,what mixed
heritage do you wish you are:
*What you should ask me is what period would I want to be born in and I would tell you either the 19th century or the 1960's. Old school I am.*


26) Are you a wild partygirl:
*I'm as wild as the sky is green. But I do love the dancing.*

27) Have you ever sufferred to look
good:
*I wouldn't call waxing a form of suffering but some might.*

28) What's your best experience:
*The latest would be my special roadtrip. Hee*

29) What's your biggest secret:
*That I can actually be super-shy. Stop laughing.*

Very much taken

1) Single, Taken, or Flirting?
:: Very much taken. =D

2) Are you happy with where you are?
:: Yes, could not ask for more.

3) When you meet the right person, do
you fall fast?
:: I think I did fall fast and pretty damn hard. I ain't complaining though.

4) Have you ever had your heart
broken?
:: Yes, because people can disappoint you but if you don't take risks you will never know what you missed.

5) Do you believe that there are
certain circumstances where cheating
is ok?
:: No, there is never a good reason to cheat, everything that you can think of is an excuse, not a reason.

6) Would you ever take someone back if
they cheated on you?
:: I don't need to worry about this question, but no. And it should work both ways.

7) Have you talked about marriage with
another person?
:: Yes, I don't have commitment issues anymore. Aha!

8) Do you want children?
:: I really do.

9) How many?
:: Football team or better yet a whole farmhouse. I ain't no gumball machine but I do know I sound like one.

10) Would you consider adoption?
:: Yes, why not.

13) Do you want someone you can't
have?
:: No, but I probably did when I was 11 and I saw the Moffatts playing on tv. You remember that too, don't ya. Ahh, puberty sucks.

14) Do you believe love at first sight
exists?
:: No, not at all. Even though you can fall for someone fast, love does take time to grow. Time, energy and effort; and when all three are present, that's the real thing right there, you'll know it.

15) Do you believe in celebrating
anniversaries?
:: Yes I do because love should be celebrated.

16) Do you believe that you can change
for someone?
:: No, not at all and I don't think that people should change for others. But I do believe that a person can change because of an influence from another person.

17) If you could get married anywhere,
money's not an object, where would it
be?
:: Ah I would want to be married right here because everyone I love lives here, but if I could fly all of them to Bali at the beachside that would be nice too.

18) Do you have feelings for someone
right now?
:: Yes, very much so.

19) Have you ever wished you could
have someone but you couldn't?
:: Refer to the Moffatts phase and how could I forget the Home Improvement phase? Aha

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
:: Unfortunately yes, and apparently I also cast spells (lol, Payal!! Remember?)

21) Would you ever fight somebody over
your boyfriend/girlfriend?
:: Even though I don't believe in violence, love is worth fighting for no? If there is injustice, I will find you and hunt you down.

22) What would you say about your ex?
:: I'd say wish you all the best.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done

So today, was quite a day.

I woke up at 9am and realized I had a presentation in an hour (but I'm superman and I always manage to reach on time). Punchline is, we didn't get to our turn and I am running out of formal wear for these occasions. I wore white today and we all know that the sun was merciless today. Picture that.

Once back home away from the chaos of college, I entered a brand new hurricane; one that I had not experienced in awhile. I opened the door of my home to be greeted by four 12-year-old boys. My ears are still ringing (because this is what silence sounds like). I then proceeded to spend an entire afternoon with the little people. My brother appointed me director (camera holder) to film a movie for history class. I was Hitler of the day; I was a total tyrant and I used threats excessively. It worked though. What they say is true; power can be scary. Boo.

The evening was spent hiding in my room from the remaining noise.

But the best news is still someone being in the same country as me.
Can you say WHEEEEE?

Somebody dare me to stop smiling.

God Only Knows

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me
God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

This is dedicated to you. My love.

Fiercely

Imagine the irony when...

You're thinking about a presentation but then a few hours later you realize that these things are trivial when it comes to your health, your relationships, your priorites...your passion.

We spend so much of time worrying about stupid things, about tiny chores that don't even matter in the long run and we forget all the pretty things right in front of us. Your other half, your best friends, your parents, your dog,and so on.

At the end of a long day, you come home and you yell at the people who ask you how your day was, or you sulk away in a corner because things didn't go your way.

Ah yes, cliche my little speech is, and yes, you have heard it before. But please, don't wait for the last minute to tell everyone you love them or you'll be kicking yourself later. Don't just tell them. Show them. Give out hugs, they're FREE! Give all your kisses away, don't be stingy. Don't sulk too long, that person could get tired of waiting. Communicate!! Nobody can READ your mind. Spend your money. Shut up and do it. Don't tell me you're saving up for a flimsy dress that gives you actual cleavage. That's bullshit, I don't want to hear that. When are you going to wear the damn dress? Prom? That's a million years away. Screw that, buy an ice-cream cone and eat that instead! Whatever rocks your boat.
Accept the things you can't change. Please. Just do that. Remind me to do the same when I forget.

My love for you is nothing to brag about but I want you to know that I do.
I love you fiercely and deeply, don't forget that.

I will take care of myself because I ask the same from you.
Find that one thing that makes you happy, that's all it takes.
I am luckier, I found someone that makes me full of glee.

-Gleeful Mil-

It Can Burn

Aloha.

It is going to rain soon and my selfish bed calls to me again. The moron won't leave me alone. Excuse the swearing, I'm not so chirpy today. I just got rejected twice in the span of three days. I ain't talking about people, I'm talking about the mean, big, ugly thing called UNI. Universities, college, money-sucking institutes, yes that's the one. Safe to say I am not leaving in July, so back-up plan has gone down the drain.

If I may start at the beginning, my original plan was to apply for Curtin, Perth for the February 2008 intake, but while in the midst of applying, I thought I could send in an application for Murdoch, Perth as well for the July 2007 intake. In one day, my world tipped over a bit, because I was full of What If's? What if I actually get accepted into Murdoch? July. That's like, less than two months (at that time). In fact, I was reassured, even, that I would not have a problem getting in even though not all of my subjects met the grade requirements. However, it turned out to be exactly that. My grades were the problem. I didn't think I'd be very affected, but it's a bit scary to be turned down. The brain get's a little schizophrenic and you start to wonder if anybody will take you in (even though you're paying them a trillion dollars for one measly degree that doesn't even guarantee you one measly job because apparently now they look for "experience" too).

Excuse the bitterness, but it's not very hard to be pessimistic about the whole college thing. There are no guarantees, people, we're all just taking a risk here. But don't worry, we're all in this together (if that doesn't make you feel any better, I apologize if I depressed you to no end and you burst out crying while you think about the uncertain future that lies ahead of you).

BUT, having said all that, we should all just be inifinitely grateful that we even have the opportunity to get a tertiary education. Let's take a moment shall we?

Moving on to the generality that is life, I am done with my Music Exams and it feels really weird not to be worrying about thrills and semiquavers. After it was over,I couldn't believe it actually was completely over. I felt like I had spent a few years trying to perfect my Bach and Scarlatti, instead of just a couple of rushed, panicked months of practicing. However (there's always one in my stories), Miss Ellen has agreed to let me continue with her and I shall be learning more classical music( all the pretty little things I just love- Beethoven, Debussy, Ravel etc) under her wing until I leave.

Also, Mom's party was just perfect despite the awful, last-minute planning that went on. She had absolutely no friggin' idea, and that is why it was just lovely. I have a video and the expression is absolutely priceless. Plus, everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and I'm afraid Mom's 40th is going to be the talk of the town for awhile. This makes me very uncomfortable. Sindhi limelights are the worst. Oh well.

A piece of advice for anyone feeling stale with life. Do something new or do something you haven't done in a long time. Here are a few suggestions. Trust me on this, it makes you see things in a different light and that is always nice, no?

1. If you drive everywhere, try not driving for a whole day (or, if not possible; try a couple of hours) and commute using public transport or your own two feet. Yes, walk my dearies, it is fun, no matter what kind of lungs you have. Makes you feel younger, or if not, then much lighter.

2. If you have not watched a movie in a long time, or read a book (or have not had entertainment, basically) do just that. If possible, pick something that you have not seen or read before. Some things can inspire.

3. Try cooking. Anything. Like Payal said, it can feel like an accomplishment (I would not friggin' know I suppose).

4. Walk around a mall and people watch OR sit in Starbucks and people watch. It makes you wonder.

5. Spend a significant amount of time singing your favourite songs. Makes you fly. Like really really high.

6. Clean your room. Seriously. Throw all the junk you hoard, and I mean ALL. Makes you fly too.

7. When eating out, pick someplace new or someplace that you have always wanted to try but just couldn't because you just have to eat at McDonald's or Burger King again. This one really works too.

8. For one whole day, try not to plan ahead. I know some of you really can't do this, but just make an attempt. Just see what happens.

9. Go to Toys R Us and buy the small bottle of bubbles they have and blow away. Bubbles are so silly but so pretty, no? Makes you feel young (boy, do we need that).

10. If you have not dressed up in awhile, or have not worn something that you know makes you look good, do it. Makes you feel like Austin Powers. Or er...whoever.

You have probably seen almost all, or all of the above in a magazine or even tried it out yourself, but maybe you haven't tried it because I can see you look at me so full of skepticism. But do it. Even if you already have.

Much love to everyone.

-4 more weeks-

On Being Personal

Yellow.

June is here and I know I've probably said this a million times, but boy did time fly faster than I thought it would. Two things my little ones:

1. Short post alert as I don't want to get up caught up in writing; I have to keep practicing for my PIANO EXAMINATION on the 6th of June, Wednesday.
a. Friday is the big day- Dad has chosen to throw a surprise party for Mom's 40th and I don't think she has a clue. Don't we love surprises! (I do, I do! =D)
b. This semester is lovely for one reason only- I don't have to take any psych subjects.
c. I want to write more (I always put this one down).
d. I have so much to say (Don't we all?).

2. I realize that I barely talk about how much I appreciate my family here. If anything, there have been more complaints than anything positive. I just want to say that I love them to bits and I am absolutely dreading leaving them for a new life. I want and need them to know that. I love you Mom, I love you Dad, I love you bro. Much love to the rest of the family too.
a. I believe there is one reason I have been afraid/shy to talk about family. I shy away from being too personal sometimes but reading previous posts have made me realize that I have already looked past that and if I can be personal about my love for everyone else, I can do the same with my family.
b. I think I'm also afraid that I would cry my eyes out if I started to talk about how grateful I am to have parents like mine.

See, lump in throat already.
Sob.

On a lighter note then shall we? I shall see you soon.
Promise.

Leaving the Nest

It stood out, almost proud but too bitter to be.
It sat, almost gently, next to her eye.
Eyelashes look pretty with tears glinting at the tips.
But hearts break when there are tears.
Tears come relentlessly when there is heart break.

Fear is in the unkown.
Fear is leaving all that is familiar and warm.
All that is comfort, all that is so easy.

When one is young, one wants to be older.
When one is finally older,
the only thing that the heart desires,
is to be young again.

But there is still time,
to make memories,
to hang some pictures on new walls,
and life goes on.

to Dan the (Wo)Man

This post is a "tribute" to Daniel Yee who 'needs to know what is happening in KL'.
Dannyboy, it's not much but here's what's been going on.

1. Bangsar is dying. Slowly (and painfully) but surely, less people head to Telawi streets these days with the exception of two kinds- a. the people who live in that area and b. those who still can't get enough of Nirvana's and the general Bangsar atmosphere.

2. Bangsar is boring without the right people. (WARNING- emotional crap up ahead)
Going to Bangsar these days ain't the same without you guys (you know who you are).

3. HELP is definitely a hellhole now. This is true for several reasons, let me elaborate.
a. Good lecturers are leaving, and by this I mean Sir Hopkins. He's gone and we don't know how to fill his shoes. Gah. Another good reason to abhor Help- Ms. Winniee ain't teaching Intro to Research Methods no more, some dude has taken over that class. What has the world come to!?

b. All the best Helpers have gone south. (Again- WARNING) Yea, college sucks without the right people. Trust me on this, all the wrong people have taken over (picture the new intakes- I shall say no more).

c. About 2 months ago, they closed off the smoking area. Of course that doesn't stop us from hopping over the chain link and sitting there anyway, but c'mon! You can't close off such places and not expect us to make noise. Doofus.

d. HP Towers might be closing soon- this is not a definite yet but the lady told me that the rents are getting higher and they might move somewhere else. Suck on that.

4. I don't know if this has any relevance but, they closed down Oasis- that little bar-type place near the Bangsar LRT station (it's also right next to the road that leads to Bangsar Heights =D ). They did open up a new place in it's spot but I have yet to check it out.

5. There's been loads of artists/ musicians coming in but who do I go with to watch em play?

6. After writing this out, I realize that I just sound whiny because I miss everyone that's away. Gah. Well there you go Dan, I'll whine again later with more news.

7. But yes, I still miss Vivek the most. Nyahahahaha. Derr.

8. Oh yes, I forgot, they opened up the 2nd phase of Bangsar Village but it totally sucks balls because it's like the Bangsar version of KLCC. I went there with Payal the other day and we just stared wistfully at things we couldn't afford. I do the same thing in KLCC. So now you can do the same at Bangsar Village, no need to go so far for that!

9. Another thing, the assholes at Midvalley hiked up the parking price so it is no more RM1 per entry minus any extra charge.

10. Gosh, doesn't KL sound swell?

Violence

I remember a time when there was yelling.
Nothing but yelling.
Shoving, kicking and punching.
Anything around you, the walls.

Such anger in your eyes,
such hatred in your body.
Such ignorance in your heart,
such ferocity in your sneer.

Your hand poised high,
poised to come into contact,
with another person,
a living, breathing person.

The sounds of a brawl,
the coming of a war,
the snarls of an animal,
I heard your voice from the other end.

Then you see me here,
with tears in my eyes,
your hand lowers,
you stare ashamedly at the ground.

Sticks clatter to the ground,
I stare at you.
Your eyes they plead,
but I have to go.

I walk away.
You made me do it.

The Other Kind of Bliss

Songs I sink into these days.

1. Kuch Is Tarah -Atif Aslam
2. Los Angeles, I'm Yours -The Decemberists
3. Closer -Travis
4. I'll Be Seeing You -Billie Holiday
5. God Only Knows -Beach Boys
6. I Want You to Know -Chantal Kreviazuk
7. Kissing in the Rain -Tori Amos
8. Never Let Go -Bryan Adams
9. Who Am I -Will Young
10. Tera Surroor(remix) -Himesh Reshamiya

What do you like?

Cold

Cold like the ice in my fridge,
you prick me with nimble words.
Ah but what is cold without hot,
for we would not know hot without cold.

Tell me what is love,
without these storms,
But a few glimpses,
of our pretty sky.

But show me how,
please show me how,
how do I eliminate all the cold,
without getting rid of this heat.

But please be gentle with the cold,
alas you were not,
for it stings without
the usual warmth.

I Copycat Ming (take Mil's test)

Create your own Friend Test here

Straight from the Unqualified Lady

It's a Friday night and the Sadhwani family has just finished dinner. Ms. Sadhwani finishes the last of her rice and is already plotting her escape to the sweet refuge of her room. She smiles as she thinks of a couple of hours in cyberspace with her babes. Mrs. Sadhwani reads her mind and looks at her with her own wicked smile. She then innocently says the following sentence,

"Milan, I'm baking a cake tomorrow so you have to help me prepare the ingredients."

Ms. Sadhwani bursts out laughing, figuring, that had to be a joke. How do you prepare to make a cake? Is there some kind of special exercise involved? Do you have to chant a few mantras before you bake a cake? (To the higher powers, may this cake come out edible and almost as delicious as the ones in Chili's.) Ms. Sadhwani envisioned a troop of middle-aged wives chanting this particular mantra in unison while wearing pink aprons and waving about spatulas and starts laughing again. This earns her a glare from Mrs. Sadhwani and she hurriedly shuts up and says,

"Prepare the ingredients? What are you going to get me to do?"

Mrs. Sadhwani smiles again (in a very evil manner) and tells her hallucinating daughter to just be in the kitchen in 15minutes. Ms. Sadhwani nods her head and nervously waits the verdict.

15 minutes go by.

Ms. Sadhwani reluctantly drags her feet to the kitchen. She is greeted by several big bowls and a giant book that reads "Food for your Soul". Her heart thuds in her chest and she is already imagining the worse. What will it be this time? Mrs. Sadhwani is standing by the counter and she hears Ms. Sadhwani come in. She turns around to look at her and turns back to peruse the book. Ms. Sadhwani studies her mother and concludes that she looks distracted. She feels hope rising; maybe, just maybe, Mrs. Sadhwani has forgotten that she had asked her to help with the preparation. Ms. Sadhwani turns to escape but is stopped by her mother's voice,

"Ok, now that you're here, you can help me by chopping these walnuts."

Ms. Sadhwani closes her eyes and counts to 10. Walnut chopping can't be as bad as tauge-cleaning.

Another 15 minutes pass by.

It is not as bad. It's worse.

Lesson learnt- Never give Ms. Sadhwani a knife when she is pissed about the complexities of preparing ingredients. She will wave it in your face and scare the crap out of you.

p/s- This part is fictionalized, I did not, in fact, wave any knife in anyone's face.
Really.

You Should Know

Ola, it's been awhile (yet again).

Some things you should know.

1. If you don't know who Leo Buscaglia is, find out and read just a few pages of his books. You'll be astounded.

2. If you want to be demoralized and get your self-esteem to take a skydive, come sit in the car with my grandma, she's got a PhD in this.

3. I am prepared to face the consequences of failing all my subjects this semester, don't worry, it's all good.

4. Holidays have started and they are too long for my liking.

5. It's already April but I can still remember what January felt like.

6. I am thinking of ways to make time fly faster. I am open to suggestions.

7. If the MPO is appealing to you, please let me know.

8. I wrote a really private poem-sort-of-thing yesterday, and I am contemplating on whether I should post it up here or just leave it in my drawer.

9. I am reading very interesting poems by a someone called C.K. Williams.

10. My favourite lecturer at Help University College is leaving and I am in denial about it. Damn those defense mechanisms.

11. I want to write more but everything I say comes out stale.

My Parade

So the days are passing me by. Literally. Today is Friday, generally supposed to be exciting as it is the day before Saturday. So let me tell you about the exciting part of my day.

When I got home, nobody was there yet.
Mil: Sweet...the house is mine.
20 minutes later as I was settling in with a Hindi movie (they're the best comfort, I tell ya)...
Mom: I'm back!
Mil: Ah crap.

1 hour later, after the many many interruptions (I didn't even get to cry properly at the part in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai where the little girl has to give a speech about mothers) I endured from my entire family...
Mom: Mil, tomorrow's the function.
Mil: Yes Ma, I know.
Mom: So, what are you going to wear?
Mil: *points to her t-shirt and shorts*
Mom: *gives Mil the look of Death*
Mil: *hides under blanket*
Mom: Mil, go try on those Indian outfits granny sent you. I want a fashion show after I eat.
Mil: Ah, crap.

And so it began. There were about 9 outfits to get in and get out off and trust me, it was no easy feat. It was hot, for starters and the fact that I wasn't feeling very "fashioney" did not help. But then again, when am I ever feeling fashioney?

The two hours after 9.30p.m. were spent "modelling" for Mommy. It went like this:
Mil: *goes in room, puts on an outfit (that took about 10minutes by itself) and trudges out to the tv lounge to show Mom*
Mom: Oooo, maybe you should wear this tomorrow night
Mil: Mom, you said that about the other 3 outfits I tried on. Just pick one and tell me what to wear.
Mom: Ok, this one.
Ok, no! The one with the pearls! You look so grown-up.
Mil: Mom, I am grown-up.
Mom: You don't look it.
Mil: Thanks Mom.
Mom: No, you do, but only when you're all dressed up.
Mil: *ponders for a bit but realises that's not true either*
Mom: Let's get a second opinion. Pa? Pa! Come out here! Look at Mil!
Dad: *drags himself away from Freecell and comes to look at his daughter (who, by now, is clenching her teeth together in not-so-mock anger)*
Dad: *nods slowly* Nice. *runs back to Freecell*
Mil: He said that the last three times you asked him, Ma. That's no second opinion.
Mom: I think we should go with the pink one.
Mil: Ok.
Mom: But try on the rest of the outfits so we know what they look like.
Mil: *surpresses the urge to tear all her hair out*
Ah, crap.

I Got You Covered

Hello all.

I feel British. Ahahaha! It's been a nice day, not bad, boleh tahan.
For awhile there, since last week, I was holed up in my lair, only socializing through the cyber world.
Today finally feels somewhat normal. Not that normal is always good, because, let's face it, the best of us are hardly paradigms of normalcy. Nyah.

I feel ever so grateful to have people around me, I must say thank you. You know who you are. Even if I don't see you on a regular basis, thank you for being in my life.
A special thank you to the person whom I most want to see but can only do so on a delayed-reaction webcam. Thank you for letting me in. I really like it here and I want to stay for a long, long time.

I know I'm not exactly reliable (especially when it comes to time- me and that Freak don't exactly get along, what with her going so slow when I want her to go fast), I am usually late and I am horrible at returning calls and smses. You must know that it's not because I don't like you or want to piss you off. I'm just a highly irresponsible individual. Ask anyone.

But I want to know I got you covered. Anybody who cares enough to read this space is someone I care deeply about. So, don't hesitate, I'm here. Best part of me is, I'm so weird that you just can't freak me out. Well, you can (especially if you're underage, related to me and planning to do special things with/ to the opposite sex) but in all probability, I wouldn't judge you. Why should I anyway. I don't see the point.

Moving on...

1. I've developed a severe need to have music on wherever I am (too bad I don't have an Ipod) and it's even worse than before. Maybe it's because I get really strong urges to sing all the time now. Perhaps it is my way of expressing emotions that don't know how to get out. Nothing negative, don't worry.

2. Parent-teacher meeting is this Saturday and I am so not in the mood for this. Give me a break, people, we're college students. Do we really have to play this round anymore? Frustrating, it is. What's more frustrating is the fact that mom insists on going. I know I just called myself irresponsible, but my mom does not need to find that out. Besides, she already knows it. Why go to college to hear it from my lecturers (who, by the way are pretty useless this semester).

3. The post office is about to become my regular hang-out. Haha. Get it get it?

4. Sushi belts are so cool, seriously. I am in awe. Wee. (I don't know if they're called sushi belts, but well, they're sushi and they're on a conveyer belt, so I just put two and two together)

5. I didn't know I was addicted to Friends until last night. It hit me and I saw the light. It could be worse, I could be addicted to porn. I'm not, by the way. Not even a little bit.

6. I sang along to Save Tonight without even feeling sad today. There is progress. If you don't know what I'm talking about, take a listen to it and you'll know.

7. Nevertheless, you are missed.

8. Jack Shall Have Jill by Juliette Mead was quite brilliant. I enjoyed it. Full of nostalgia and things I could relate to. Eternal triangles, but in circles. Here is a quote from the book:

"There is nothing wrong with prolonging the agony when the agony holds some
faint vestige of hope."

-Juliette Mead from Jack Shall Have Jill

Come Back

I can wait, I don't have a problem with waiting. Ask me to sit at a bus-stop with nothing but my shoelaces to play with and I won't hate you. I might be slightly worried about you, but that's about it.
But I don't see the point. If I'm not needed, I'll leave, really. I don't want to intrude in your life, because, really, who am I to do that?
Yea, I'll be crushed, but so what. I'll deal. Maybe I won't, but I'll find a way. Don't you worry about me so much. Hey, you know what? Whatever makes you happy, whatever rocks your boat, whatever gets you up. If I can't give you your ya-ya's then, please don't ask me to stay.

Forgive me if I sound bitter, I'm not being bitter, I just want you to know.
Love is not for the weak-hearted but I can hardly call myself strong.
I don't mean any harm by saying all this, but I must say it, must speak now or forever hold my peace. Besides, I've never been able to hide from you. Run, perhaps. But I always come back. I hope you will too.

Where did you go? I miss you so. It seems like forever, since you've been gone.

Small thing

Hello all. The little man ain't sleepin' yet and it's 3.58am. Before I get any yelling, let me just say that I had more than enough sleep today, so I think it's justifiable that I'm still cheerfully awake. Well, I don't know how cheerful, seeing as I'm alone in my room and I can't test out my cheerfulness, but you get it.

About the whole Valentines Day being overrated thing, enough is enough. Yes, everybody knows that items are ridiculously overpriced and fancy restaurants become a no-no for those with hole in their pockets, but so what?
So you wanna pamper the one you love, so what? Let them do it, for Pete's sake. I don't condone buying things to show your love, but it doesn't kill you either. Yes, it's the thought that counts, of course it is, but admit it already. A tiny part of you rejoices at the mere thought of going somewhere expensive for dinner. A small part of your being yearns to get beautiful flowers from your special someone. And why the hell not? It's nice. I'm not going to pretend that I don't like it.

Yes, of course these things shouldn't only occur on Valentines Day, I get that too, but if it does, so be it.

It's easier said than done to wave away the luxuries, it's another thing to not stare wistfully at it. Let me tell you something. I spent a good portion of my life without it. And I'm absolutely fine. But when I was able to experience it, I liked it. I liked being pampered. I liked being spoilt silly .
Call it whatever you like: materialistic, gold-digger etc. I'm not saying that I expect it all the time, or if it doesn't happen, I'll be absolutely crushed. I'm just saying I find it really nice. So spending a ludicrous amount of money on Valentines Day (or any regular day) ain't no sin to me.

Having said that, these are the small, teeny things in life that make almost no difference. If I had a lover who took me out to a fancy dinner but couldn't even be there for me when I needed him, then I'd be crushed. Those are the big things in life. Okay, people?

Go indulge and list all the lovely small things you like.
Wee.

Montage

Heya.
I've been in a daze the whole day. Don't worry, nothing bad happened. It's just that I slept at 7 and got up about four hours later.

This is my first post from the brand-new, shiny, pretty Acer laptop. I am liking it very much. I've pretty much been glued to the screen and locked in my room. It feels unhealthy though. Ack. And it's only been two days. Anyway, the only thing I don't like about this rectangle-shaped wonder is the fact that its' sound quality sucks. When I say sucks, I actually mean...sucks big time. All my awesome songs sound like the bands are playing live but with really bad feedback and horrible speakers. Oh, and no audience.
Oh well, I'll deal.

You get two guesses for the other reason I can't get enough of this baby. It's pretty much the best way for me to communicate with my favourite one. You were supposed to guess, eh.

Why have I been in a daze. I've been thinking too much. If I didn't tell you this before, let me tell you again. Thinking gets you nowhere. Nofreakin'where. If you were to ask me what exactly it is that I've been thinking about, I wouldn't be able to answer you.
You know how it is when you're right about to fall asleep, and it's like you're seeing a montage of pictures; like a dream that's on fast forward? Kinda like that. Except I'm not even sure what I'm looking at.

Perhaps I need sleep. I woke up today with what felt like one bitch of a hangover. Here's the catch; I didn't drink last night.
Nyahaha.

I'm such a funny little man.

Happy Hundreth

Yes. It is my 100th post and it will be like any other post. We'll see at the end.

Note to everybody- (a little late, sorry) I got my 012 number back so please call/sms your number to me if you haven't already. All your numbers are gone. GONE! So if you intend to continue keeping in contact (I don't see why not!), please contact me, thanks.

Here is some fantastical news- I just got my laptop. Wee. You will see me online in the twilight hours of the night. You have been warned. I will bug you if the need arises. You have been warned.

I had a presentation for Pubic Speaking yesterday (I can see you cracking up Syar), it was Informative Speech, so thank the heavens I didn't have to crap of the top of my head. But I still screwed it up (of course you would!); I went too fast and read too much from my 'script'. But in all fairness, there was alot of legal aspects in my speech and you know how complex those clauses are. I chose Sexual Discrimination at the Workplace and I had to mention the Equal Pay Act! Had. To. Well, I had major fun researching for the topic (no, I am not being sarcastic). Susan Faludi is my new heroine. Read her book called Backlash, you will be disgusted with the American Government. And men. But tell me, who isn't disgusted by men. (I can hear you yelling 'Sexist pig!' and 'Man-hater!' but I really don't care). I love one man so he ain't counted. Only sometimes. Nyahaha. I'm kidding. (That's cause he's my little boy). (I can hear cries of "paedophile!" now).

Anyway, I am getting new glasses in two weeks and I looke like the Supreme Overlord King of all Nerds so I love them. So did Mom but she's just happy that nobody's going to want to boink me anymore. Works for me just fine. I hope you know what I meant by boink. If you didn't, come spend 2 hours with me, you'll be an expert on the topic. (No I am not offering to boink you,emotional clove writer, I will just tell you dirty jokes is all).

Should I be doing some kind of special flashback thing because it's my 100th post?
Better yet, I shall tell you what I've been nostalgic about. You wouldn't believe it:

School.

Yea, that's right. In some ways, I am still mourning over the fact that I never really bothered to make the effort to fit in. That too for stupid reasons. Those who went to high school with me will know (all too well). I am aware that I've made this abundantly clear but the nostalgia has been hitting hard (it does that sometimes) these past few days. I see my brother go to school and I wish I was him (except that I would not have chosen to go to an international school). Life was so wonderfully simple, it was me who made it obnoxiously complicated. I blame Evanescence sometimes (have you read their lyrics, I mean, geez woman, stop with the self-pity already!). But no, all jokes aside, I am the only person to blame for it. That's probably why I love college now (at most times, despite the fact that I dislike my major) and I want to enjoy every minute of it because this time next year I'll be in...

Perth.

In some ways, I can't wait. In another way, I don't want to leave home. I don't know what I'll do without everything and everyone here.

(To my dear- I am so happy because I know you'll be there to make it easier for me. Thank you for considering me in your future, it means alot to me).

So, to all the people that I love, help me enjoy my last year here. I'll pay you if you don't do it willingly. Hah. You wish. Well, I want to see everybody as much as possible, if it's not too much to ask for.

Hint- If you take me to a bookstore, I will never forget you. Or Toys R Us (I've recently developed a strange attachment to that place; especially with the stuffed dogs).

I'm kidding, take me anywhere and spend time with me. I'm easy to please.

I'm off, cheers!
Here's to a hundred more. (OH NO!)

Bring It On Moron

I doubt anything else could go wrong these days, this explains why I'm unusually chirpy. *Cheep cheep*

Hi all, it's been awhile (breaks into song of same name-you know the one by Staind, or was it Staid?).

Here is the most recent update.

My handbag (other right hand, after Payal, of course) was stolen today.

Here's the catch.

It's my bloody fault. Ahhh, confession is good. Try it. Yea it truly is my fault. Long story short, I left my precious unattended for about (maximum) 15 minutes (SCREAM: MILAN WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!) and when I came back.......

It was gone.
(Well, really, how did you think that sentence would have ended?)

Here's another catch. It's more like a lump in the throat, voice-catch kinda thing.

I'm in denial about this whole freakin' thing.
And I'm not talking about the handbag.

I have been positively ignoring the fact that Monday is coming.
I am SO good at this. Maybe I should have a class.
KIDS COME LEARN THE ART OF DENIAL!

I bet I'd make millions. And I really need that kind of money (yo, who doesn't?) because the fudger took all of it. Along with my pretty sunglasses. And Body Shop lip balm. Should I continue or you get the picture kiddos?


Something else is bothering me. Eating, eating and eating away at me. If you care, please wait til tomorrow when I get my 012 number back so you can call me and I can sob it out to you.
Nyahahaha.
Yes by the way I'll be reachable only by tomorrow. Sorry.
To Syar- sorry I bailed out on you.
To Payal- sorry I haven't seen you in awhile. I miss you.

To everybody else- Thanks for ...everything.

Emo. You would say.

It Helps Sometimes

This post is dedicated to all the people leaving for overseas to further their studies.

You're leaving me assholes.
Kidding kidding.
To Daniel Yee, Goh Huay Ming and Vivek Joshi (sniffle), wherever you go, whatever you end up doing (be it an actual job or drug trafficking *kidding again* NOT YOU MISTER VIVEK) remember that you had and have a tiny friend who will never forget you and will always be missing you. You have made an impact on my life and I can only hope that I made a splash in your pond. Or at least a ripple.
I love you, all of you (Vivek the most). Mwahahaha.

Dan,
If you remember, I met you through Ming and you were the ass/hero who taught me how to smoke. I can't decide which one. Haha kidding. Dan, I'll be sad to see you go, I really will. You have come to mean alot to me. Thank you for all the entertainment in class, in my car, the cigarette breaks and the long HP sessions. My car will miss you too. Mommy loves u! (that's not some weird incest thing, by the way, you sickos).

Ming,
Funnily enough, I met you through Navee, do you remember? Can you remember our stats classes with Mr. Krishna? We were the noisiest pair and there was only two of us! Haha, we still are, ei? I will miss hearing about your weird-ass dreams, your rambling on about everything (hehe, kidding kidding, we both do it, don't worry) and I will miss our antics- skipping class to go to Chillies! Hehe. We had some really good times, girly and I hope we can all meet up in Aussie soon enough. Love you ming! Ba-da-boom. (Yes, we are crazy, but proud of it ei?)

And finally...last but not in the bit least...

Vivek,
My dear. What can I say to you? We've only known each other for almost 5 months but it feels like decades and decades, it really does. You've become a best friend to me dear. You really are my better half. You've made my life a million shades brighter and I know it's only going to get better from here. I will miss you like crazy and there will be many times in the months to come I will want nothing more but to run to Perth but I want to assure you that you don't have to worry about me. I will be okay, and I know you will be too. You better be *stern face*. Together we'll make this work and we shall reunite next year. I absolutely can't wait dear.
I love you to the moon.

Collectively, I want to say...
Thank you,
for letting me in your life, for regarding me as a friend and for all the good times.

Sorry,
if and when I have hurt you, either intentionally, or unintentionally, with my words or my actions; I hope you have found it in your hearts to forgive me.

Mil loves you.

Sprawl

The storm has passed. Let's all take a moment to utter words of gratitude.
*Moment*
*Moment over*

By storm I mean the first two days of my little friends' visit. I have exhausted all names for this damn thing. But boy, what a storm that was! I was obscenely emotional on the first day and inexplicably cranky the next, more than usual for some reason. I don't know, maybe my hormones realized it was January and decided to start the new year off with a bang. Or rather, sudden outbursts of tears and tantrums.
On Sunday (the first day), I took bro to watch Eragon (finally, he's been waiting for a whole month!) and we tried to make it for the 4.15pm show at Midvalley, but well, no one got ready on time. So we tagged along with Dad to Pyramid (he had some crap to do) and got tickets for the 7pm show. Of course for some weird reason (I will always blame the hormones), retail therapy was suddenly not so stupid after all. I was possessed by a really foreign urge to go into every shop and drag my bro along as well. You should have seen him in Topshop, poor guy didn't know where to stand amongst the fashionable and hopelessly ripped off customers. I was not included in this crowd as I came out empty handed (thank God) and well I was never fashionable to begin with.
I did buy the new Fourplay CD and unfortunately didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Oh well. If anyone would like to buy it from me, please tell me, it's brand new.

All said and done, I can't ignore the fact that we're already half-way through January and February looms very near. Nearer than I am comfortable with. And although I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings, I dread the coming of February in my dark and weak moments.

Simply because I can't let you go.

Watch out for these headlines:
CRAZY LADY STOPS NICE MAN FROM LEAVING FOR AN OVERSEAS FLIGHT.

mwahahahaha.

I'll be ok, really.

Must Stop the Spinning

Yellow.
Head is whirling, twirling, tumbling, spinning. Hence the title. Wee.
Why is your head doing all of the above, you might ask.
I am anxious to do so many things that I'm thinking of them all at the same time and going out for some fresh air didn't help much (even though it's a really nice night out, all breezy and cooling) that I felt I must write it has never failed me. Wow, look, a full stop.
Well up til this point, it hasn't failed me. Writing I mean, not the full stops. Ok, still spinning.
Would a to-do list help?
Perhaps. I should try that.

Maybe it's not all the academic stuff that I have to do that's getting my head like this. Maybe it's that big decision I have to make by the end of tonight. I have a deadline too; tomorrow morning. I am not ready to talk about this big decision I have to make, but when I am , I will tell all. Perhaps I won't ever be ready, because seeing it in black and white always makes it scarier. And ten times more real.

I learnt a new word yesterday- diaphanous. It means delicate and semi-transparent. So I haven't been so unproductive, I have expanded my vocabulary! By one word, but still, better than nothing, ei? I hope I spelt it right. Har har. Har.

Well, cool fact, I'm taking Drama this semester and I'm really looking forward to reading all those plays, especially the Shakespearan ones. They sound fantastic. Of course reading alone won't get me the grade I'll have to read out loud (without the text) *insert gasps of horror here* and we all know what a friend Public Speaking is to me. Ah, you dog you. Coincidentally I am also taking Public Speaking this semester so either taking that class will help me with Drama, or Drama will help me in P.S. Or something like that. Today I suggested bringing in some vodka everytime we go in for P.S. to my right hand. I don't think she knew I was only half-kidding. She'd probably agree if I said tequila. Nyahahaha. Well Drama is certainly going to be intriguing. Will keep you posted. Of course I was still moaning about how this is my last ever elective and it isn't even Hopkins' class. Oh well. We always want more, ei?

Must go sort myself out, excuse me.
Take care dearies.

Bombshells and Changes

Hello hello hello!

Happy new year everybody, it ain't gonna be easy, but nothing worth it ever is, but let there be no moments to miss, I'll give you a flying kiss, for good luck and for the times ahead, so get out of your bed, you're missing out, don't make me shout!...

Here's to the year 2007! Wee. Rhyming is fun, try it. My cousin Kashish who's only 7 puts me to shame, she would make one hell of a tiny Sindhi rapper. Beat that kids.

So I got back on the 29th and my comp was being a bitch but now it's all good. She got some lovin' from Alan boy. Think she really likes him, she keeps crashing, must be on purpose so she can see him. Down girl.

I missed KL by the end of my trip, it was absolutely fantastic to come back. I wonder how homesick I'll get in Aussie. Eek. Speaking of bombshells (and not the hot and blonde kind, sorry to disappoint), I received a major one recently, while I was in Hong Kong. To say that my life is changing at the speed of light would be an understatement. But we always bounce back and deal, ei?

The person I am currently joined at the hip with (Siamese twins, nyah!) is moving to Australia to further his studies in February. This is the bomb I was talking about (for some of you slow ones).In a way it was a good thing that I found out while being away from him, so it could give me time to absorb the shock, think about it and realize that everything will turn out fine. Because I'm not giving up what we have- and if he's on the same wavelength then that's the only thing that matters.

Loads to tell as usual but just wanted to say Hi. Hi!! College resumes on Monday and I got good grades this time for my fall semester. Was pretty sure I wasn't going to make it for Motivation but she gave me a C which is more than I deserve. Was really satisfied with results and I have Big Guy up there to thank for it.

*Big wave* Be back soon.