I Should...

...be less selfish.

...think about the future more.

...stop living in my little world.

I should, but do I want to?

Is there something wrong with me, something wrong with the way I behave? I can vouch for the fact that I'm not repulsive, but I wouldn't know if I am decent.

Some days you just feel repulsive and not at at all decent.
Some people can make you feel that way, but what did we learn?

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Do I ever learn?

So what if I want something from you? You have taken many things from me, and I usually don't say much about it. Why should I feel guilty about expecting things from you when you are always telling me you owe me? If you owe me so much, then pay up.

If I believe I am deserving of something and you don't, then too bad. I have made up my mind.
If you have a problem with that, then it's your loss. I know I have tried being nice. I have tried being fair. You should do justice.

A note to you people who take advantage. Mr. Nice Guy isn't always going to be around. One day he'll put down his foot and say NO. And you will gape while he walks away. Sometimes that only happens in movies. In real life, Mr. Nice Guy ends up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown after too many YES's to people.

A note to Mr. Nice Guys (and Miss Nice Girls)- Say no. I dare you. Let's be mean just this once. Not to throw it in their faces, but to feel good. So damn good. If you can't do it, don't push it. Don't be apologetic. And under no circumstances should you even THINK about feeling guilty. Why do we torture ourselves? I'm not saying I condone selfishness, but I certainly don't condone self-mutilation (in the head). This is not about being selfish, it is about knowing your boundaries.

Tell me I'm wrong.
This is an age-old problem, let's not bring it any further, people.


To the free spirits and the people who don't look any further than dinner tonight- You ain't alone. We're different, we're not so good at planning things, but that's ok. It really is.

I'm not telling you to wait and see. I'm just telling you to stop straining your neck- to breathe and to LIVE.

Live my babies, LIVE. And remind me to do the same.