It has been exactly a week since my last post. Perhaps it would be a good idea to inform whoever here that the Tsunami death toll has obviously increased. I do not know an exact number, in fact, I don't even know the current estimate.
Sad to say, I was too scared to look, or to keep track. I lost touch again.
It is not a lie to say that many things occured these past seven days. Many things which I did not even bother about coming here and reporting about. I know it was not laziness, I like this place a lot so I usually take the effort to come here. I know it was not writer's block, touch wood! (?) What was it?
Perhaps it was something so subtle in me that changed that even I did not see it.
I'll tell you something.
I didn't like it, not at all.
Adieu. Give me courage, give me strength.
Give me alcohol.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
All I Can See Is The Floor
All I can see is the floor,
an endless strip of small squares,
multiplied across these four walls,
underneath my feet, underneath my chair.
All I can see is the light,
from my neighbours' house,
but a minute later,
it is turned off.
Swing my arms,
to the rhythm of your mistakes.
Shake my hips,
to the sound of your regret.
Make no mistake,
this is not about you.
Pray,tell,
how does one fight gravity?
an endless strip of small squares,
multiplied across these four walls,
underneath my feet, underneath my chair.
All I can see is the light,
from my neighbours' house,
but a minute later,
it is turned off.
Swing my arms,
to the rhythm of your mistakes.
Shake my hips,
to the sound of your regret.
Make no mistake,
this is not about you.
Pray,tell,
how does one fight gravity?
Monday, July 17, 2006
Crash
37 killed by tsunami on a Java beach.
5 was the figure given earlier one. The tsunami was caused by an earthquake that hit the southern coast of Java island(220 miles south of Jakarta), also today. This quake measured 7.2 on the Richter scale, fatal enough to cause a tsunami, one more time.
A tsunami watch is being carried out for effects on part of Indonesia and Australia.
Because there was already a warning issued, following the quake, the death toll is noticeably less than the last two tragedies (Dec 26, and Jogjakarta) but still very fatal. However, the search is being carried out once more, for the unaccounted bodies. The Search, all over again.
It's like a bad dream.
5 was the figure given earlier one. The tsunami was caused by an earthquake that hit the southern coast of Java island(220 miles south of Jakarta), also today. This quake measured 7.2 on the Richter scale, fatal enough to cause a tsunami, one more time.
A tsunami watch is being carried out for effects on part of Indonesia and Australia.
Because there was already a warning issued, following the quake, the death toll is noticeably less than the last two tragedies (Dec 26, and Jogjakarta) but still very fatal. However, the search is being carried out once more, for the unaccounted bodies. The Search, all over again.
It's like a bad dream.
I Remember You
Talk to me.
I don't care about being your Unloader as long as you're happy.
Perhaps this would seem very un-feminist, actually, very un-ballsy but when it comes to people I love this statement holds true.
I know you're not angry at me, you're just angry.
I know I don't stress you out, you're just stressed out.
I know I'm not your priority, but that doesn't mean you don't care.
I know I'm not your priority, and it doesn't really bother me.
I know I'm certainly not the centre of the world, but at least somewhere in your centre.
I know you listen to me, you just can't process so much information.
I know you're not useless, you're just being shat upon.
I know none of this is nice, but you know I'm there for you.
I know that you know how mad you can make me, and then it takes you a million years to realize it's because I care for you so much.
I know that you know I'm not always patient, but I know you'll forgive me.
I know that you're not perfect, but you should know I don't expect you to be.
Sometimes when there's time to think, you realize a few things.
I mean every word.
This post is dedicated to my favourite big shot.
This post is dedicated to my amazing right-hand, the most intelligent and beautiful bimbo I know.
This post is dedicated to my two favourite love-birds who will fly everywhere with me.
This post is dedicated to the emotional writer who smokes clove cigarettes.
This post is dedicated to a troubled girl I met in Bali.
This post is dedicated to the Power of Three, still strong til today.
This post is dedicated to all the people who carelessly leave a mark on my easy heart.
This post is a reminder when the going gets though.
Now I go. And never come back to this place.
I don't care about being your Unloader as long as you're happy.
Perhaps this would seem very un-feminist, actually, very un-ballsy but when it comes to people I love this statement holds true.
I know you're not angry at me, you're just angry.
I know I don't stress you out, you're just stressed out.
I know I'm not your priority, but that doesn't mean you don't care.
I know I'm not your priority, and it doesn't really bother me.
I know I'm certainly not the centre of the world, but at least somewhere in your centre.
I know you listen to me, you just can't process so much information.
I know you're not useless, you're just being shat upon.
I know none of this is nice, but you know I'm there for you.
I know that you know how mad you can make me, and then it takes you a million years to realize it's because I care for you so much.
I know that you know I'm not always patient, but I know you'll forgive me.
I know that you're not perfect, but you should know I don't expect you to be.
Sometimes when there's time to think, you realize a few things.
I mean every word.
This post is dedicated to my favourite big shot.
This post is dedicated to my amazing right-hand, the most intelligent and beautiful bimbo I know.
This post is dedicated to my two favourite love-birds who will fly everywhere with me.
This post is dedicated to the emotional writer who smokes clove cigarettes.
This post is dedicated to a troubled girl I met in Bali.
This post is dedicated to the Power of Three, still strong til today.
This post is dedicated to all the people who carelessly leave a mark on my easy heart.
This post is a reminder when the going gets though.
Now I go. And never come back to this place.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Road to Bumming
It has been a pleasant day. This is only because I didn't turn on the news yet. But that's ok, I'll have to face the music, the special effects and the (real) blood. All I have to do is think about how its worse for them, tenfold worse.
Watched Pirates of the Carribean 2 today. It has been a long time since I've been to the movies! It was fun, I watched it with bro.
Stats test and RM test two days ago, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. After that it was relaxing to just not do anything, something that I try not to do alot. But it is good once in awhile.
Friday was fun, we learnt Queer Criticism for Modern Lit, and I learnt that D.H. Lawrence is "undefined"( he's supposedly straight but his texts suggest otherwise). I cannot wait to read his work and analyse it. But I suppose now I would be looking out for his "queerness". Woopsie, bias biased.
Topic of interest, I watched Supersize Me on Thursday, a documentary about the evil that is McDonald's. To prove his point, Morgan (bravely) decided to go on a 30-day McDonald binge; McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There were several rules involved, one which I found rather interesting was: he would only Supersize it if he was asked to. For those of us who don't live in Mighty America, Supersize is probably double the Large that we have over here in Malaysia. It's grotesquely big and disgustingly hard to finish I should think! Now let's rewind- this guy gets to eat McDonalds all day everyday for a month? Sounds great! But only if you're an 8 year old or you happen to think like one.
Most of us are aware of how unhealthy it is to eat fast food, especially if its everyday. To me, if its once in awhile, it's alright.
So, what happened to Morgan? He put on weight (24 1/2 pounds), he started craving it, he was lethargic and depressive, his liver turned to almost 100% fat; he basically damaged his body really bad in those 30 days.
But I was thinking, and this might sound slightly far-fetched, but could he have already been biased about the cons of McDonalds food that he would have probably anticipated these horrible effects on his body? It can be argued that he was biased, but there was genuine phsyiological proof that his body was affected.
However, I could say that this is very much alike to placebos. The mind is a strong thing. If you imagine pain, it will be there. Again, how much pain can you ignore?
But, I have seen, read and heard about people miracalously recovering or surviving an awful event/happening that befalls them.
So, much like the way I anticipate D.H. Lawrences' queerness to be hinted in his work, could Morgan have imagined the way his body reacted, and then- his body actually reacted to it?
There's a phrase for this- self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hmmm, however this is certainly far-fetched as there was a big difference after the 30 days.
But anything is possible no?
I was thinking of something the other day. But I'm always thinking. Nyahahaha.
Phew, sweet relief.
Ahhhh.
Watched Pirates of the Carribean 2 today. It has been a long time since I've been to the movies! It was fun, I watched it with bro.
Stats test and RM test two days ago, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. After that it was relaxing to just not do anything, something that I try not to do alot. But it is good once in awhile.
Friday was fun, we learnt Queer Criticism for Modern Lit, and I learnt that D.H. Lawrence is "undefined"( he's supposedly straight but his texts suggest otherwise). I cannot wait to read his work and analyse it. But I suppose now I would be looking out for his "queerness". Woopsie, bias biased.
Topic of interest, I watched Supersize Me on Thursday, a documentary about the evil that is McDonald's. To prove his point, Morgan (bravely) decided to go on a 30-day McDonald binge; McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There were several rules involved, one which I found rather interesting was: he would only Supersize it if he was asked to. For those of us who don't live in Mighty America, Supersize is probably double the Large that we have over here in Malaysia. It's grotesquely big and disgustingly hard to finish I should think! Now let's rewind- this guy gets to eat McDonalds all day everyday for a month? Sounds great! But only if you're an 8 year old or you happen to think like one.
Most of us are aware of how unhealthy it is to eat fast food, especially if its everyday. To me, if its once in awhile, it's alright.
So, what happened to Morgan? He put on weight (24 1/2 pounds), he started craving it, he was lethargic and depressive, his liver turned to almost 100% fat; he basically damaged his body really bad in those 30 days.
But I was thinking, and this might sound slightly far-fetched, but could he have already been biased about the cons of McDonalds food that he would have probably anticipated these horrible effects on his body? It can be argued that he was biased, but there was genuine phsyiological proof that his body was affected.
However, I could say that this is very much alike to placebos. The mind is a strong thing. If you imagine pain, it will be there. Again, how much pain can you ignore?
But, I have seen, read and heard about people miracalously recovering or surviving an awful event/happening that befalls them.
So, much like the way I anticipate D.H. Lawrences' queerness to be hinted in his work, could Morgan have imagined the way his body reacted, and then- his body actually reacted to it?
There's a phrase for this- self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hmmm, however this is certainly far-fetched as there was a big difference after the 30 days.
But anything is possible no?
I was thinking of something the other day. But I'm always thinking. Nyahahaha.
Phew, sweet relief.
Ahhhh.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Turmoil
Fever pitch, feverish; these words come to mind, when the present continuous verb "chanting" is spoken. Should it be this way?
The prayer meeting was relieving. It was almost like a way of unloading, although I felt slightly bad for showing up late. But I know I had good intentions. When it was time to observe a minute of silence, it was hard to stop thinking of scary images. The chanting lead by the priest at our ashram was steady but loud, firm but loving- and not at all like the chanting I just described.
Life must go on, no? Absolutely. This is what I admire about the Mumbaikers. They resumed normal train services just hours later after the blasts. The next rush hour, which was today- one day after the bomb blasts, not even 24 hours, commuters were back to routine. Truly admirable. Two points to this- is that rather cold then, sort of like ignoring this tragic event? Come to think about it, no. They are being brave, they are striving for the basics. They are pushing forward.
Another point about this quick change of pace- is it because that the citizens of India are so used to experiencing bomb blasts, that they had no choice but to get used to it?
I should say no more, because this is truly, utterly sad.
How do you get used to people dying? People who live in such close proximity to you? Perhaps not a friend, not even an acquaintance, but the mail-carrier, or the person behind the counter at the convenience store, or the security guard at your apartment.
How do you accustom yourselfs to watch innocence being raped?
Just to think about how this might be chills me. In every way.
But life goes on.
The prayer meeting was relieving. It was almost like a way of unloading, although I felt slightly bad for showing up late. But I know I had good intentions. When it was time to observe a minute of silence, it was hard to stop thinking of scary images. The chanting lead by the priest at our ashram was steady but loud, firm but loving- and not at all like the chanting I just described.
Life must go on, no? Absolutely. This is what I admire about the Mumbaikers. They resumed normal train services just hours later after the blasts. The next rush hour, which was today- one day after the bomb blasts, not even 24 hours, commuters were back to routine. Truly admirable. Two points to this- is that rather cold then, sort of like ignoring this tragic event? Come to think about it, no. They are being brave, they are striving for the basics. They are pushing forward.
Another point about this quick change of pace- is it because that the citizens of India are so used to experiencing bomb blasts, that they had no choice but to get used to it?
I should say no more, because this is truly, utterly sad.
How do you get used to people dying? People who live in such close proximity to you? Perhaps not a friend, not even an acquaintance, but the mail-carrier, or the person behind the counter at the convenience store, or the security guard at your apartment.
How do you accustom yourselfs to watch innocence being raped?
Just to think about how this might be chills me. In every way.
But life goes on.
Let's Take A Moment
It is of no surprise that I'm finding it hard to express what I feel in mere words. More importantly, my words here are of no worth. My thoughts are with those who lost their loved ones in the senseless bomb blasts that occured at Mumbai's train stations yesterday.
Latest updates: Death toll has risen to 183, at last count.
A prayer meeting is being held at Geetha Ashram, Malaysia. Those who are interested are more than welcome to come. This will start around 7.30p.m. tonight, 12th July 2006, Wednesday.
May the ones who left us rest in peace, despite the unfortunate circumstance in which they left.
God Bless them.
Latest updates: Death toll has risen to 183, at last count.
A prayer meeting is being held at Geetha Ashram, Malaysia. Those who are interested are more than welcome to come. This will start around 7.30p.m. tonight, 12th July 2006, Wednesday.
May the ones who left us rest in peace, despite the unfortunate circumstance in which they left.
God Bless them.
Spot Is Marked
this colour(marked with an x on the map) indicates where the bombs exploded. *Important note-there was another station that strangely enough, is not on the map, named Bhayander that was also blasted. (I believe this is further on up, after Borivli).this brings the total of bombed stations to 7.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Officials Say
Tears brimming in the eyes of this girl and heart sinking in disappointment at this cheap act of hatred. Mumbai was bomb-blasted today, during rush hour.
What I know as of this moment:
7 major train stations in Mumbai were hit by bombs, during rush hour (between 6pm-7pm). At least 40 were killed, although that is a relatively low figure, it is hard to believe as there are 6 million commuters everyday at these train stations. As much as we would like to swallow this number, it is highly possible that this number is greater than 40.
According to Dad, a riot broke out in Mumbai yesterday, and this could be a way of indicating that they're serious about what they believe in. I.e.- by killing people, by injuring innocent commuters, by disturbing the general flow of Mumbai's transport system; the train stations- a frequently used means of travelling in Mumbai.
Translation: What the f*ck is up with this hatred.
What I want to know: Further information about the train system in Mumbai and the conditions of the hospitals or care units in Mumbai and whether or not they would be sufficient for this unfortunate event.
What I know as of this moment:
7 major train stations in Mumbai were hit by bombs, during rush hour (between 6pm-7pm). At least 40 were killed, although that is a relatively low figure, it is hard to believe as there are 6 million commuters everyday at these train stations. As much as we would like to swallow this number, it is highly possible that this number is greater than 40.
Officials say that the bombs exploded in the trains and platforms.
According to Dad, a riot broke out in Mumbai yesterday, and this could be a way of indicating that they're serious about what they believe in. I.e.- by killing people, by injuring innocent commuters, by disturbing the general flow of Mumbai's transport system; the train stations- a frequently used means of travelling in Mumbai.
Translation: What the f*ck is up with this hatred.
What I want to know: Further information about the train system in Mumbai and the conditions of the hospitals or care units in Mumbai and whether or not they would be sufficient for this unfortunate event.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sweet Italian Victory
Time: 5.07a.m.
Occasion: 5-3, Italy won on a penalty shoot out.
What do people say-
Mom: "They're gloating like mad." (Duh, Mom!)
Dad: "Who cares, I lost money anyway." (Sore much?)
Me: ITALY!!!!!!!!!!!
Hard to believe that I somehow woke up around 4, as if on clockwork, just in time to catch the extra time after the tie-in. To me it's funny because when sleep comes these days, I have a hard time waking up. Which is why I don't intend to sleep anymore, for today at least.
It's another kind of victory for me today, as minutes before sleep came to claim me, I finished Denial, by Peter James. I once said that I can tell when I really enjoy a book when I don't want it to end. However much I enjoyed this one, I didn't mind so much when it ended, only because Thomas Lamark was a scary guy. And what was discomforting for me to realize was that at the end of the story, he was still alive. Very much so, in a shut-in for the criminally insane. If he planned to die, it would have been appropriate, as he had already confessed his biggest secret, which I shall keep safe with me. It all made sense somehow, but it got me even more scared.
What was not so satisfying was the fact that Glen Branson took down Lamark and not Amanda Capstick or Michael Tennant. Capstick should have been the one to trick him into his downfall. Also, there were less mind games toward the end than I expected. If I were to compare this book to Psychopath by Keith Ablow, I would say that there was more teasing and psychological provoking in there than in Denial, which made the story all the more convincing. Even though James does a good job of convincing the readers that this guy is pretty messed up, in my personal opinion, he doesn't have a very convincing psychological profile on him, anywhere in the book. The confession was fantastic, mind-blowing enough to satisfy, but it was lacking some action there by the psychiatrist himself.
Anyway, still very much enjoyable for me, I haven't decided what to read next, but I can't wait to go and pick it out. Kudos to James! By the way, this book was set in London, so Mr. James is a Brit man, not American as firstly assumed.
Time: 5.21a.m.
Occasion: Italy still gloating
What do people say-
Mom: zzzzZZZZZZzzz
Dad: *eyes still glued to the screen*
Me: *has computer to herself* YES!
Me: zzzzZZZZZZzzzz
Occasion: 5-3, Italy won on a penalty shoot out.
What do people say-
Mom: "They're gloating like mad." (Duh, Mom!)
Dad: "Who cares, I lost money anyway." (Sore much?)
Me: ITALY!!!!!!!!!!!
Hard to believe that I somehow woke up around 4, as if on clockwork, just in time to catch the extra time after the tie-in. To me it's funny because when sleep comes these days, I have a hard time waking up. Which is why I don't intend to sleep anymore, for today at least.
It's another kind of victory for me today, as minutes before sleep came to claim me, I finished Denial, by Peter James. I once said that I can tell when I really enjoy a book when I don't want it to end. However much I enjoyed this one, I didn't mind so much when it ended, only because Thomas Lamark was a scary guy. And what was discomforting for me to realize was that at the end of the story, he was still alive. Very much so, in a shut-in for the criminally insane. If he planned to die, it would have been appropriate, as he had already confessed his biggest secret, which I shall keep safe with me. It all made sense somehow, but it got me even more scared.
What was not so satisfying was the fact that Glen Branson took down Lamark and not Amanda Capstick or Michael Tennant. Capstick should have been the one to trick him into his downfall. Also, there were less mind games toward the end than I expected. If I were to compare this book to Psychopath by Keith Ablow, I would say that there was more teasing and psychological provoking in there than in Denial, which made the story all the more convincing. Even though James does a good job of convincing the readers that this guy is pretty messed up, in my personal opinion, he doesn't have a very convincing psychological profile on him, anywhere in the book. The confession was fantastic, mind-blowing enough to satisfy, but it was lacking some action there by the psychiatrist himself.
Anyway, still very much enjoyable for me, I haven't decided what to read next, but I can't wait to go and pick it out. Kudos to James! By the way, this book was set in London, so Mr. James is a Brit man, not American as firstly assumed.
Time: 5.21a.m.
Occasion: Italy still gloating
What do people say-
Mom: zzzzZZZZZZzzz
Dad: *eyes still glued to the screen*
Me: *has computer to herself* YES!
Me: zzzzZZZZZZzzzz
Thursday, July 06, 2006
A Simple Truth
When I run away from you- FOLLOW ME
When I pout my lips- KiSS ME
When I kick- HUG ME TiGHT
When I call you crazy- I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU
When I am silent- I'M THiNKiNG OF HOW TO SAY i LOVE YOU
When I ignore you- I WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTiON
When I pull away- GRAB ME BY THE WAiST & TELL ME YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO
When you see me at my worst- TELL ME I'M BEAUTiFUL
When I scream at you- TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
When you see me walking- SNEAK UP BEHiND ME, & HUG ME
If I don't call you- I'M WAiTiNG BY THE PHONE FOR YOUR CALL
When I say "I don't care"-i DO CARE
When I'm scared- HOLD ME BY THE WAiST
When I look like something's the matter- KiSS ME & TELL ME EVERYTHiNG WiLL BE ALRiGHT
When I hold your hand- PLAY WiTH MY FiNGERS
*Taken from the Friendster bulletin board, posted by Nadhirah.
These statements hold true for a singular subject.
I am convinced, from the hearts of my heart that I am not alone in complete understanding of the declaration above.
Many others of the female counterpart have wished for these wishes, uttered silently in their hearts, but to the skies it is the loudest scream.
Please love me! Please please please.
Many of us broke our necks to face heaven, just to ask this important question.
Just to check if we would be let down, for the hundreth time.
And each time, eagerly we have swallowed the untruth.
Each time we have closed an eye.
Each time promises to be different from the last.
But that is a choked lie,
and in its' last breath, it grins with a glint of malice so bright that the Gods decide to let it rain.
And left to be soaked, we are.
When I pout my lips- KiSS ME
When I kick- HUG ME TiGHT
When I call you crazy- I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU
When I am silent- I'M THiNKiNG OF HOW TO SAY i LOVE YOU
When I ignore you- I WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTiON
When I pull away- GRAB ME BY THE WAiST & TELL ME YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO
When you see me at my worst- TELL ME I'M BEAUTiFUL
When I scream at you- TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
When you see me walking- SNEAK UP BEHiND ME, & HUG ME
If I don't call you- I'M WAiTiNG BY THE PHONE FOR YOUR CALL
When I say "I don't care"-i DO CARE
When I'm scared- HOLD ME BY THE WAiST
When I look like something's the matter- KiSS ME & TELL ME EVERYTHiNG WiLL BE ALRiGHT
When I hold your hand- PLAY WiTH MY FiNGERS
*Taken from the Friendster bulletin board, posted by Nadhirah.
These statements hold true for a singular subject.
I am convinced, from the hearts of my heart that I am not alone in complete understanding of the declaration above.
Many others of the female counterpart have wished for these wishes, uttered silently in their hearts, but to the skies it is the loudest scream.
Please love me! Please please please.
Many of us broke our necks to face heaven, just to ask this important question.
Just to check if we would be let down, for the hundreth time.
And each time, eagerly we have swallowed the untruth.
Each time we have closed an eye.
Each time promises to be different from the last.
But that is a choked lie,
and in its' last breath, it grins with a glint of malice so bright that the Gods decide to let it rain.
And left to be soaked, we are.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Graphic
Oh.My.
Should I not be surprised?! To reconfirm, I have been reading Denial, by Peter James, not Lee James. I have read a few books concerning incest relationships, but never before have I seen it described so vividly, or rather so openly. The psychopath (a very apt description of this man) in Denial is a classic example of emotional abuse from a parent. His mom (who dies early in the plot) is overprotective, overbearing due to her intense personality disorder. Her private logic is more than screwed up, and she passes this "knowldege" of hers to her son. It is very interesting to note how psychos are very intelligent, in almost every sense. This one not only listens to classical music but has an excellent dress sense. What makes him scarier is his complete lack of socialization. His one and only source of socialization was his mother. Then, it should not have been surprising to read that he desires a sexual partner who resembles his mother.
I had suspected that his mother probably used Thomas Lamark for sexual ploys-similar to the maniac in a book by Ablow (called Psychopath! haha!). And perhaps towards the end, or later on in the plot, this will be revealed completely. But the scene that really got to me, that had me running to the computer room to blog about it straight away was the scene where he is in a room with a prostitute. I shall not say what it is that he said, because if anybody happens to want to read this, I will be spoiling it for you. But it was shocking to read how he was so starved for his mother, even though he was put through crap. Denial indeed. Must go read the rest.
Right before the scene between the psychopath and the prostitute, there is a somewhat erotic (although slightly cheesy) part so the shocking scene sort of spoiled the vibe. But perhaps this effect was intended to portray how truly disturbing this man is. Socialization is very much important. He could not see how unreasonable his mothers' cognition really was without anybody else in the picture. I have a strong suspicion that his dad did not die in a plane crash. It is entirely possible that his mom was in denial as well.
Must also say that it is amusing to note that male authors who add in a love scene tend to comment or overemphasise on the size of the males' genitalia. Although amusing it is still quite sad as it just proves that however smart a man is, his male pride still concerns the size of his penis. Peter James could be insecure about his. That's my inference, hehe I could be wrong! But it's interesting to note anyway.
Excuse the rambling. If you happen to see the same thing, hit me with some feedback. We could start a little observation/experiment.
Farewell.
Should I not be surprised?! To reconfirm, I have been reading Denial, by Peter James, not Lee James. I have read a few books concerning incest relationships, but never before have I seen it described so vividly, or rather so openly. The psychopath (a very apt description of this man) in Denial is a classic example of emotional abuse from a parent. His mom (who dies early in the plot) is overprotective, overbearing due to her intense personality disorder. Her private logic is more than screwed up, and she passes this "knowldege" of hers to her son. It is very interesting to note how psychos are very intelligent, in almost every sense. This one not only listens to classical music but has an excellent dress sense. What makes him scarier is his complete lack of socialization. His one and only source of socialization was his mother. Then, it should not have been surprising to read that he desires a sexual partner who resembles his mother.
I had suspected that his mother probably used Thomas Lamark for sexual ploys-similar to the maniac in a book by Ablow (called Psychopath! haha!). And perhaps towards the end, or later on in the plot, this will be revealed completely. But the scene that really got to me, that had me running to the computer room to blog about it straight away was the scene where he is in a room with a prostitute. I shall not say what it is that he said, because if anybody happens to want to read this, I will be spoiling it for you. But it was shocking to read how he was so starved for his mother, even though he was put through crap. Denial indeed. Must go read the rest.
Right before the scene between the psychopath and the prostitute, there is a somewhat erotic (although slightly cheesy) part so the shocking scene sort of spoiled the vibe. But perhaps this effect was intended to portray how truly disturbing this man is. Socialization is very much important. He could not see how unreasonable his mothers' cognition really was without anybody else in the picture. I have a strong suspicion that his dad did not die in a plane crash. It is entirely possible that his mom was in denial as well.
Must also say that it is amusing to note that male authors who add in a love scene tend to comment or overemphasise on the size of the males' genitalia. Although amusing it is still quite sad as it just proves that however smart a man is, his male pride still concerns the size of his penis. Peter James could be insecure about his. That's my inference, hehe I could be wrong! But it's interesting to note anyway.
Excuse the rambling. If you happen to see the same thing, hit me with some feedback. We could start a little observation/experiment.
Farewell.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Father Figure
Everywhere around me I see lethargy. I see people yawning and complaining. I sense a drop in the energy level. In the air around me.
Why are we so down in the fucking dumps?
What is everybody so tired for? It's not like we woke up at dawn to plow the field manually and get paid 4 cents an hour. What is the matter with us young ones.
What is with the demands, left, right and centre. Where have our manners gone?
Today the father stands stooped, unable to straighten his back. Unable to hold his head high, for his little one. She is not so little anymore. Neither has she grown up, neither has she given him a reason to live.
Today the father reasons at the dinner table. Subtle insults are hurled thoughtlessly. What have you done. What have you done? Today the father did not have a beer.
He will have one tomorrow.
Hold the questions. I welcome a hug.
Why are we so down in the fucking dumps?
What is everybody so tired for? It's not like we woke up at dawn to plow the field manually and get paid 4 cents an hour. What is the matter with us young ones.
What is with the demands, left, right and centre. Where have our manners gone?
Today the father stands stooped, unable to straighten his back. Unable to hold his head high, for his little one. She is not so little anymore. Neither has she grown up, neither has she given him a reason to live.
Today the father reasons at the dinner table. Subtle insults are hurled thoughtlessly. What have you done. What have you done? Today the father did not have a beer.
He will have one tomorrow.
Hold the questions. I welcome a hug.
Great Expectations
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I finally finished it. The satisfaction of completing it was amazing. It felt wonderfully good to close the book without any dog-ears left. I finished it on Friday, and have been meaning to write about it.
Pip reminds me of the ashamed. In all of us. Perhaps it is hard to admit, but at one point of one's life, there surely must have been something that they were ashamed about. Maybe it was family (quite likely it was-I had my fair share), maybe it was in relation to their own personality.
Pip gives up something so pure and innocent- his life at the marshes, to become something so jaded and pitiful that it saddens me. He leaves Jo. He abandons Biddy. Worst of all, he leaves the best piece of his ownself. He inherits meaningless money from somebody unexpected. All the while with such great expectations. In the end, there is nothing. I must say though, I was so very lightened by the ending, even though there are some sad elements that, once again, made the eyes water!! Those damn emotions!! I must put in a footnote here. I was pmsing when on the verge of completing this book! So stop with the judging! Heartless people!
This may sound wierd, but besides Joe, my favourite character in the book is Magwitch. Abel Magwitch, Pip's beloved convict. It is so interesting so see the way Pip reacts to him when he meets him in London. It is true, what I've heard. When you hate somebody, you hate them for a part of yourself which you dislike. Freud called it projection. I call it wimpy. I am aware that I do it, and I shall have to say that it is truly wimpy. I would say that this involves fear.
In my next post, I would like to qoute a few memorable things from Great Expectations. =)
I did not go to my Modern Lit class on Friday and it was eating at me for awhile. But what can I do about it now? Get notes and read up, that's it. This is when I have to shake my head to rid myself of small regrets. They are of no use are they.
I have started on a psychologial thriller- Denial by Lee James. Or perhaps it is Peter James, will reconfirm later. It is action-packed, and I can't wait to see what happens next. This one will not take as long as Great Expectations, not if I'm going at the pace that I am.
I said that I would reveal a bit more about my research project. Basically, have to mention again what a daunting task this seems, but I have faith in my groupmates, somehow we'll pull through I know. We are running over 20 sessions and by the time the experiment is over we would have memorised three audiovisuals. That's all I'll say for today.
On the subject of my "brilliant idea" (heehee) it involves something that I am very much in love with. As gay as that sounds, it isn't very hard to figure out. I think.
I have recruited someone for this. And this shall remain a secret. I will make a promise here, that as soon as it is realised, I will talk about it in detail, and with glee! Haha!
good night to the good people.
Pip reminds me of the ashamed. In all of us. Perhaps it is hard to admit, but at one point of one's life, there surely must have been something that they were ashamed about. Maybe it was family (quite likely it was-I had my fair share), maybe it was in relation to their own personality.
Pip gives up something so pure and innocent- his life at the marshes, to become something so jaded and pitiful that it saddens me. He leaves Jo. He abandons Biddy. Worst of all, he leaves the best piece of his ownself. He inherits meaningless money from somebody unexpected. All the while with such great expectations. In the end, there is nothing. I must say though, I was so very lightened by the ending, even though there are some sad elements that, once again, made the eyes water!! Those damn emotions!! I must put in a footnote here. I was pmsing when on the verge of completing this book! So stop with the judging! Heartless people!
This may sound wierd, but besides Joe, my favourite character in the book is Magwitch. Abel Magwitch, Pip's beloved convict. It is so interesting so see the way Pip reacts to him when he meets him in London. It is true, what I've heard. When you hate somebody, you hate them for a part of yourself which you dislike. Freud called it projection. I call it wimpy. I am aware that I do it, and I shall have to say that it is truly wimpy. I would say that this involves fear.
"I would hate to become like that. Yet, perhaps, I am like that. I just
don't want to see it in myself. "
In my next post, I would like to qoute a few memorable things from Great Expectations. =)
I did not go to my Modern Lit class on Friday and it was eating at me for awhile. But what can I do about it now? Get notes and read up, that's it. This is when I have to shake my head to rid myself of small regrets. They are of no use are they.
I have started on a psychologial thriller- Denial by Lee James. Or perhaps it is Peter James, will reconfirm later. It is action-packed, and I can't wait to see what happens next. This one will not take as long as Great Expectations, not if I'm going at the pace that I am.
I said that I would reveal a bit more about my research project. Basically, have to mention again what a daunting task this seems, but I have faith in my groupmates, somehow we'll pull through I know. We are running over 20 sessions and by the time the experiment is over we would have memorised three audiovisuals. That's all I'll say for today.
On the subject of my "brilliant idea" (heehee) it involves something that I am very much in love with. As gay as that sounds, it isn't very hard to figure out. I think.
I have recruited someone for this. And this shall remain a secret. I will make a promise here, that as soon as it is realised, I will talk about it in detail, and with glee! Haha!
good night to the good people.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Tagged!
Four movies i can watch over and over again....
- A Walk to Remember. What do you say about a movie that is so heartbreaking that even when I don't want to cry, the tears just drip down my face, as if on autopilot? A lovely movie, based on a lovelier book. The soundtrack that accompanies this movie is as breathtaking as the movie is. The best songs from the band, Switchfoot are in this movie and share the credits of making us weepy. Ok-making me weepy. Simply sweet.
-Saved. A somewhat humourous take on Christianity. Most people have misconceptions about this film. Nobody makes fun of the religion, they are just in some ways, raising questions about faith and life as a teenager in this day and age. A wonderful cast, brilliant plot, amazing music. Again, what do I say? For me, it's also a tearjerker. But remember it's weepy Weeperson talking. Love this movie.
-Fanaa. Ok, I've only seen this one twice but I intend to see it again. Needless to say I am biased about this movie because Kajol stars in it. Can you imagine the excitement of seeing her on screen after she's been MIA for about four years (plus)? She was lovely in this movie, as always. The storyline blew me away. The acting made my heart twist and gave me goosebumps. When the boy recites poetry to woo the girl, I grin because it is so cheesy, yet so incredibly romantic. The songs, I could listen to forever. I have to get a clear copy of this one.
- Kal Ho Na Ho. After writing the title, I realize that three out of four of these movies contain the element of death, so that would explain all the crying (yes it does!!)- but this one, I was a goner. This movie is set in New York, so it appealed to me even more, especially since I saw this about two and a half years ago, when I was still adamant about going to that city. It was thrilling to watch because of that, and I enjoyed it because the cast was extremely good, nothing fake about the dialogue or how the events of the movie take place. Also comes with a lovely soundtrack. Lovely.
Four places i have lived....
* Considering I have lived in KL my whole life, I'm going to modify the question to fours places I have visited- my favourites.
- Bali. Sacred. Beautiful. Absolutely lovely. The beach is where I would live. Just to hear the sounds of the ocean, I would give anything. I can't wait for a next visit.
-Hong Kong. The food, my grandma, my granddad, my family over there. The atmosphere, the pollution (haha!). Expensive as hell, but a nice place to be.
-London. What a wonderfully wonderful place. Went there during winter so I could not stop eating. Breakfast at mcDonalds was lovely, all that magnificent pork that they don't let you eat over here! And people watching would never get boring over there. Incredible sights, if I ever go thee again, I would like to see the countryside.
Australia. What I remember from this trip is mostly a blur, because I went with my entire family, so it was mostly just waiting around for everybody. But, the best was all the rides in Gold Coast- at the theme parks. It was crazy and so much fun! I must go again, but with fearless people. Sign up here, crazy!
Four of my favourite dishes.....
-Roti Canai with kari ayam.
-Indo mee rebus. Lan's is the best.
-Italian
-Indian
Four sites i visit daily...
-www.hotmail.com
-www.blogger.com
-www.friendster.com- but its too addictive so I'm tryin ta quit. ahahah!
- the other one would be any random place tht can occupy my mind for a bit and Ares.
Four places i rather be right now....
- At Amcorp watching a movie with somebody special
-Taman Aman
-At a beach. Perhaps in Bali
-Anywhere with a book and some smokes
Four bloggers i am tagging...
-Payal
-Sebastian
-Syar
-Twiddledee (I made her up)
- A Walk to Remember. What do you say about a movie that is so heartbreaking that even when I don't want to cry, the tears just drip down my face, as if on autopilot? A lovely movie, based on a lovelier book. The soundtrack that accompanies this movie is as breathtaking as the movie is. The best songs from the band, Switchfoot are in this movie and share the credits of making us weepy. Ok-making me weepy. Simply sweet.
-Saved. A somewhat humourous take on Christianity. Most people have misconceptions about this film. Nobody makes fun of the religion, they are just in some ways, raising questions about faith and life as a teenager in this day and age. A wonderful cast, brilliant plot, amazing music. Again, what do I say? For me, it's also a tearjerker. But remember it's weepy Weeperson talking. Love this movie.
-Fanaa. Ok, I've only seen this one twice but I intend to see it again. Needless to say I am biased about this movie because Kajol stars in it. Can you imagine the excitement of seeing her on screen after she's been MIA for about four years (plus)? She was lovely in this movie, as always. The storyline blew me away. The acting made my heart twist and gave me goosebumps. When the boy recites poetry to woo the girl, I grin because it is so cheesy, yet so incredibly romantic. The songs, I could listen to forever. I have to get a clear copy of this one.
- Kal Ho Na Ho. After writing the title, I realize that three out of four of these movies contain the element of death, so that would explain all the crying (yes it does!!)- but this one, I was a goner. This movie is set in New York, so it appealed to me even more, especially since I saw this about two and a half years ago, when I was still adamant about going to that city. It was thrilling to watch because of that, and I enjoyed it because the cast was extremely good, nothing fake about the dialogue or how the events of the movie take place. Also comes with a lovely soundtrack. Lovely.
Four places i have lived....
* Considering I have lived in KL my whole life, I'm going to modify the question to fours places I have visited- my favourites.
- Bali. Sacred. Beautiful. Absolutely lovely. The beach is where I would live. Just to hear the sounds of the ocean, I would give anything. I can't wait for a next visit.
-Hong Kong. The food, my grandma, my granddad, my family over there. The atmosphere, the pollution (haha!). Expensive as hell, but a nice place to be.
-London. What a wonderfully wonderful place. Went there during winter so I could not stop eating. Breakfast at mcDonalds was lovely, all that magnificent pork that they don't let you eat over here! And people watching would never get boring over there. Incredible sights, if I ever go thee again, I would like to see the countryside.
Australia. What I remember from this trip is mostly a blur, because I went with my entire family, so it was mostly just waiting around for everybody. But, the best was all the rides in Gold Coast- at the theme parks. It was crazy and so much fun! I must go again, but with fearless people. Sign up here, crazy!
Four of my favourite dishes.....
-Roti Canai with kari ayam.
-Indo mee rebus. Lan's is the best.
-Italian
-Indian
Four sites i visit daily...
-www.hotmail.com
-www.blogger.com
-www.friendster.com- but its too addictive so I'm tryin ta quit. ahahah!
- the other one would be any random place tht can occupy my mind for a bit and Ares.
Four places i rather be right now....
- At Amcorp watching a movie with somebody special
-Taman Aman
-At a beach. Perhaps in Bali
-Anywhere with a book and some smokes
Four bloggers i am tagging...
-Payal
-Sebastian
-Syar
-Twiddledee (I made her up)
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