3a.m. Atmosphere

A rose. One was enough, the single presence of something so beautiful. It should be enough right? He should see how much she loves him right? No.

Because everything you hear is a lie. Everything you know is wrong. You don't understand. It used to be said often enough. Today, once more, it whispers in her heart, growing louder with her pulse. A shake of the head. A hidden tear. One, two, and then another. And then another.

You don't understand. "What a stupid thing to say? How can I understand if you don't tell me anything? I'm not a mind reader." He stoutly stands there sexistly and stupidly defending his sorry self.

Yet, he is not stout. He is not stupid. He is a little sexist and alot sorry.

Tonight, the perfect ending to a perfect day. While the air hangs in the room, not moving, like people in a queue. While the recycled air brings forth material comfort to the lethargic mother. While the fever continues. Tonight, I shall close my eyes. Tonight they are shut. And I shall remember painfully.

She waited eagerly behind a pillar. A single rose lies in wait of the unknowing suitor. Her eyes gleam and the anxiousness compells her left foot to bounce. Up, down, up down. Up. Down. She realizes this and stops. Where is he. Where is he? Up, down, up, down. Up. Down. Once more her body responds to her mind. Everything else is abandoned as she waits. More worries. There are no worries. All that matters is that he gets the rose. All that matters is that he knows. All that matters is that one day, he will tell her. All that she wants to hear, so many times has she heard the passionate grip on her shoulders and yet many more times she has seen his genuine, tear-filled words. All that matters is what he tells her! What he says! Oh, the importance of his words! Oh, they mean so much to her! Oh. They mean so much to her. Whats' it to you, you wouldn't know. Alas, if you were me. Sitting alongside of you. To be able to touch you, and see the shadows on your face. Oh, to be able to trace the grooves on your hand. Oh! To be near you! To be so far away from much else! Why, nothing else matters! Nothing!

Nothing else matters. She still waits as the clouds come closer to conspire with the sun. Against the sun. It's so hard, sir. All they want to do is break free and dance upon the earth. It's Friday you know. Let it rain. ..yet, it doesn't. But all is well. The rose is spotted. Nothing else matters.

Sleep is threatening me. Let me go.

I'm It

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do the survey:
1. Payal
2. Ju
3. Dan
4. Ming
5. Nim
6. Ronny
7. Mom
8. Dad
9. Luvesh
10. Chantelle
11.Jon
12. Amit
13. Jacqueline
14. Syarifah
15. Elza
16. Christine Peh
17. Shanti
18. Tania
19. Sebastian
20. T

Questions: How did you meet No.14 (Syarifah)?
Haha what a question- I knew her-so therefore "met" her in primary school, but we only got close during high school- basically we never introduced ourselves formally- it just happened. She's great, old times were great, I love her. =)

What would you do if you had never met No.1 (Payal)?-
Lol. I wouldn't be having the family I have now. She happens to be my blood relative. I would be lost basically because nobody can replace her. She means the world to me. Who would drive me insane? =)

What would you do if No.20 (T) and No.9 (Luvesh) dated?-
Well smack my ass and call me Judy. Firstly I would laugh my ass off. Then I would proceed to beat both of them up and finish by knocking their heads together. That'll teach them.

Did you ever like No.19 (Sebastian)?-
Absolutely! I haven't known him for very long, but I enjoy his company and honestly think he is a good friend and an extremely talented writer.

Would No.6 (Ronny) and No.17 (Shanti) make a good couple?-
LMAO. Perhaps she might be able to smack some sense into him. That would be very entertaining to witness though.

Describe No.3 (Dan).-
Well James is an extremely entertaining fellow and will make up stupid rhymes for you on the spot. Haha, just playin James. He tends to be referred to as feminine although he is becoming more and more of an asshole these days. Ai, don't get your panties in a bunch james! Oops. He knows I love him. =)

Do you think No.8 (Dad) is attractive?-
Well, this is not a very appropriate question for me, maybe I shouldn't have included family in this, but oh well, there are no rules. Actually yes my dad is attractive, its' just that he's losing hair but his shiny spot does attract the appropriate amount of attention. He was dashing back in the day, and with a lot more hair.

Tell me something about No.7 (Mom).-
I'll tell you a million things. But that's not asked of me. She is the kindest darling on earth. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Do you know anything about No.12's (Amit) family?-
I believe that he is the only child, and he is not from KL. I apologize if I got those wrong!

What is No.18's (Tania) favorite?-
Ashamedly, I wouldn't know currently, but I know she used to enjoy writing stories and swimming when back in high school. Eeks.

What would you do if No.11 (Jon) confesses that he/she likes you?-
I'd say "Well hello there baby!" Nah, i'm kiddin. I'd tell him go get sober, he would be in too drunk a state if he's saying that. Nevertheless, I'd be flattered in some way.

What language does No.15 (Elza) speak?-
English and Malay. I miss her.

Who is No.9 (Luvesh) going out with?-
Nobody! And I intend to keep it that way! Mwahaha. The chicks are a-coming soon. He'll be 13 when I leave KL. And i'll miss him so.

How old is No.16 (Christine Peh)now?-
18 going on 19 in December. Need more time with her , too little is our time together.

When was the last time u talked to No.13 (Jacqueline)?-
Last Friday at Baskin Robbins. =) After a long hiatus. I love her and we should spend more time together, same goes for syar.

Who's No.2's (Ju) favorite singer?-
What a stupid question for such an important person. Well, he likes a whole bunch, one of them would be Slipknot or Tupac. Ok sorry couldnt remember that other blingin name.

Would you date No.4 (Ming)?-
I already am. Wink wink. Ye I would but I would be as broke as Dan. just playin =)

Would you date No.7 (Mom)?-
Lol hell no that's incest and I am against that.

Is No.15 (Elza) single?-
Big grin- nope. And I know who your boyfriend is *in a sing-song voice*. And I know how you suck face with him *continue with the sing-song voice*. Hee hee.

What's No.10's (Chantelle) last name?-
Mui if I'm not mistaken. She's got a complicated family tree, no offense meant.

Would you ever consider being in a relationship with No.11 (Jon)?-
Hey whats up with this, why do I keep gettin paired up with Jon? Well, no because he is a really good friend, and I wouldn't want to ruin such good vibes. And also because I would barely get to see him, the bugger is workin and schooling , blardy idiot thinks he's superman! I miss that idiot.

What school does No.3 (Dan) go to?-
I see this ass everyday- help university college.

Where does No.6 (Ronny) live?-
Discovery Bay, Hong Kong. Lucky duck lives right next to the beach.

What's your favorite thing about No.5 (Nim)?-
My favourite thing about Nim is that if you say "Nim, let's runaway!" she will run with you, no questions asked. She is lovely.

I tag: Sebastian, Payal, Syar, Adam and Eve. sorry couldnt think of two other ppl with blogs. my apologies.

Just one

Forgot to mention in my very first post, I apologize for my selfishness : If my words ever hurt you in any way, then I extend my hands and ask you to forgive me. Know that it is most probably unintentional on my part, and didn't you ever learn to take what you read with a grain of salt? Sikit garam saje. Janganla merajuk! You are welcome to give me feedback or a good yelling, whichever suits you. I, in turn will use all my salts.

Thanks anyway. =)

Not Unlike Me

It is now 9.53pm and I have yet to watch my favourite movie and make 10 questions about the saddest part of this film. Why on earth such strange a task? My answer to that fellas, is that I am conducting an exciting piece of research for my research methods. While working on the idea with my never-boring groupmates, I didn't really absorb or take in the idea. Now that I have had time for it to sink in (no doubt its alot of work but what isn't hard just isn't worth it ei) I think I'm getting curious about the results. It was nice to feel triumphant after seeing Ms. Winnie- normally we come out of there feeling like a slacker and or idiot. And it wasn't in the smug kind of way it was just ahh, triumphantly, we can be a little proud of ourselves.

"Please let it go well", is my first thought. It takes awhile for average people like us to realize that we have more to do than we realised. It also takes time to set our priorities straight. This is the real reason behind procrastination. Ahahahaha. We ALL do it, nobody should lie to themselves right?

I shall elaborate more on my Research Methods research when I have fully looked at it from all angles. Right now, it seems like a semi-blur mess to me, so much for being optimistic. Ai.

I spoke to a lecturer today about my idea. I had to build up some nerve to do it, but I managed to get all the right words out. The result? I'm going to go ahead with it. What is Mil blabbering about? This I will also reveal, another time. Why? Because I still want to think about it, develop it in my head and not jinx it. I have done so in the past.

My brother is disappointed because there are no matches today. When I found out about this "break", I was surprised at myself because this world cup fever does catch on rather quickly! I have not even sat down to watch a match, but it is fun to keep up with the score. Plus it is one of the few ways I can bond/talk to my dad with. It is not easy to talk to a man of less than a few words. Really.

A little something to ponder about, perhaps I would call this my first rant of my brand-new! blog. A big part of me wants to make it obvious what I'm talking about, but the smaller part- the logical, sensible part of me which I believe is beginning to blossom tells me to be subtle. "Be subtle Mil, even though this had angered you today." In my opinion, it takes alot to get me angry or irritated. Agreeably enough, chauvinist pigs and sexist comments make my blood boil and my fists tighten, but generally in day-to-day life, I believe I am pretty laid back. Chilled. Cool.

Well, recently there has been an issue raised to my attention concerning people that I know. This issue, truthfully has been eating at me, in ways that even I was not conscious about. Today, seeing the neglected belongings of myself and another's made me realize how much this "issue" was bugging me. Nevermind that it didn't really even concern me. But sooner or later when asked for an opinion, one becomes biased. One starts to take sides. Perhaps I am not making sense in my valiant attempt to be subtle. Bravo, Milan. Now you succeeded in confusing the unfortunate readers.

Basically, I have little or no respect for people who live in their own two worlds. My private logic is this- there are people around you, acknowledge the damn world, and continue on with the affection if necessary. Note that this does not mean that I have no love. Aren't we extensions of each other, or am I just seeing a half-full glass? To continue with my rant, this "issue", as I mentioned earlier has made me bias, so it could be the reason I have recently started to look and percept things in a slightly different way. And this new way is not too favorable to me, honestly.

Again, more on chauvinist pigs. Must love all, even if chauvinist pigs. Who am I kidding?

Note to self- to talk about in next post- RM and brilliantly exciting idea. They both sound alike ei?

Why are you complaining? You're sitting in front of the computer reading this? You probably have everything. You just don't know it. Ungrateful kid. We all were or are at one point no?
"Parting is such sweet sorrow."

'Part!'

It Was About Time

Hello there.
Well, I feel like a kid on Christmas Day, except that it's boiling hot here in lovely Malaysia and well, I'm broke-Christmas should be with all the snow and all the money, eih?
I think it's great that I finally got this (overrated perhaps but such a good invention) blog. I feel liberated to express my thoughts here, I feel as if I don't really talk much, so here I can chitter and chatter all I want.
Well, as an opening statement, I shan't use this blog as a means of making empty promises to myself. This is so for two reasons-one: what is the point of that, really? And two: it would be embarassing if somebody actually came up to me and said-"Hey, didn't you write about how you were going to cut down on the smokes?" Ahahahahaha! I just imagined that. I am not easily embarassed, in fact I feel as if I usually am prone to embarassing others, especially my friend, Nim (heehee, I'm sowwi) so to imagine that is really funny. I think I would be like "MYOB but gosh you're right."
My next point would be to say that I should not feel guilty for not censoring my words, as I believe we all do that enough. Perhaps people might say to this: Then why not just keep a diary? To that I would say this- if ever, in my words, anybody in this world were to find comfort, or solace, or even inspiration(that would be truly flattering, indeed) then I would know that I have fulfilled a certain purpose. Because the only reason I would blabber, talk, argue, debate, discuss, chatter, ponder, wonder, imagine, crap and etc on this blog, online, in public-would be to share my thoughts for the common good (as Jamie said to Landon in A Walk to Remember).

"It can't be all about you. It has to be for the common good."

Why can't we all do things for the common good?
Another point to raise- I should say whatever it is that I want to say and use this as the title suggests-my comfort zone.

Peace? Yes. Buono Notte. =)