Juncture

It's been a year and nine days since I've been back in Kuala Lumpur, a year that just whizzed by, uncontrollably before my eyes. This has been a challenging year, to say the least. I'm not sure though, if I would have done it differently. Things happen for a reason right? At the moment, the dilemma people my age seem to be facing is that big ugly word: 'job'. Well, actually it's quite a small word, but one that holds many connotations. It's so easy to become jaded, numb and depressed while on the job. And I think it's a sign if you wake up depressed on a Sunday, and dreading the next day before it even comes. Back to work, oh crap, I really don't want to, why is it Sunday, why can't it be Saturday again. These thoughts seem to come around every single Sunday. I suppose the best thing to do would be to suck it up or quit. And then we find reasons why we can't quit, at least not for now. I wish sometimes for some sort of divine intervention, but that's really not how life works. And I always thought of myself as a person who makes things happen. I don't want to be waiting around still, one year from now even. But I still don't know what it is that I have to make happen, I want many things and don't want many things. I read somewhere that the best way to be motivated is to actually think of the things you DON'T want to happen. Well, I don't want to work for someone else. I don't want to be dependent on anybody else. I don't want to be writing advertorial. I don't want my parents to be disappointed. Most of all, I don't want to dread my job. When I think of opening up my own business, the only thing that sticks in my head is that I am against selling useless stuff to people. The only thing that seems useful to me are books, hence, the most viable business for me would be to sell knowledge to people. Malaysia however, is not very big on reading. Judging by the response to the big book sale recently however, maybe there are enough who would visit my store. If I could convince my dad to hand over the money he's probably saving for my wedding, I'm all set. Yea, that's NOT going to be easy, considering the fact that he's planning to get me married off ASAP. You might wonder why I'm not freaking out. Been there, done that. I can't tell you the amount of times my dad has scared the shit out of me this year alone, suddenly bringing up marriage at a quiet lunch and making me run for the hills. Not gonna happen Dad, I'm sorry.