Why Not?

I'm supposed to be writing about a spa in Seremban but I really can't be bothered reading up on candlenuts and papaya enyzmes. Sounds more like medicine than anything else really. Again and again I forget about this little place I have in the big open cyberspace and how nice it feels to write, about something other than products. Not that I'm not enjoying what I do, don't get me wrong. There are moments in the office when I feel truly useful and that yes, I have found my purpose. Of course, we all want more,because that's the only way to strive for a better tomorrow.

There's not much room for climbing the ladder here, if you want to get all corporate about things. I mean at my current job. But that is not what my heart desires anyway. Oh the heart. Such a strange beating bird. Mostly I'm staying in the office now to beat the jam (I make it sound like an Olympic sport...maybe it should be).

Life is mind-blowing sometimes, especially if you stop and think for awhile. This time last year, I was in Perth being a student and paying rent. That felt good. I can't begin to express how much I miss it all. The lectures and the lecturers, the lunch breaks, even the morning classes, over-spending money at the uni cafe once in awhile after getting sick of the average Asian stalls, going to work, complaining about work, eating dinner in my room, having Sonali bother the shit out of me, my housemates. I could go on for weeks to be honest.

And the thing is, I didn't actually mourn this loss. I sound like an absolute drama queen, but I really didn't. It was all quite rushed really, one minute I was planning out my life in Perth, I had even found a place to stay and the next I had decided to stay back in KL. I might have cried but I certainly didn't mull over my decision. Instead I decided to get enthusiastic about job-hunting and went for about four or five job interviews and then bummed around for two months. Which I don't regret of course. Then I started work in February and that was it. It feels like my whole life has gone by now, time moved by SO fast. Friggin' hell it's September!

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching my life go by, and if I listen properly I can almost hear the clock ticking. I don't know why I feel like I'm racing against time but I just keep thinking that if I don't decide and act upon what I really want, it's going to be too late. I don't want to think that I could have made a difference, and a change and I chose not to.

But the big bloody annoying question is what? Yea, I like my job, I like my life, I'm very comfortable...wait. That's it though. I am comfortable. It's too easy.

You know I was reading a book the other day called the Upside of Irrationality (thankfully my reading habit hasn't slowed just because I've started working...I have read so many things and I have so much to say...of course!). And there was a chapter called the IKEA effect, which summarizes that human beings generally tend to love something more, or get more attached when they've put in effort to build it. In fact, this is so true I would even apply it to relationships, but that's another story for another time. And you know, the way we live in KL, we don't do anything for ourselves. We have maids that we depend one, we have gardeners, we have it all extremely easy. And I have a niggling feeling that this is not the life that I want. I think I would feel more purposeful if I got up in the morning and made my own breakfast, like how I used to in Perth instead of having it made for me. I get a tiny sense of satisfaction when I make my own coffee, so I might be on to something.

The point is though, I feel slightly (okay, maybe a lot) useless because I'm not doing anything for myself, it's all been done for me. Of course there were moments in Perth when I wished and prayed so hard for a fairy godmother to swoop down from somewhere and help me do my laundry but I also remember feeling good, really really really good in Perth. I had a sense of accomplishment, a sense of calling everything mine. I had my own space, my own radio alarm clock, my own shoes, my own desk. And here it feels like its not really mine, like I'm living in someone else's room.

I should do my own shit, really. I need to stop living a borrowed life. And we really need to stop depending on the maid to do every single small thing. When the hell did we get so lazy dudes?

Alright, I'll start with a small goal: cook breakfast on Saturday. Mom will be happy too. Why the hell not?

Yea, next time you ask yourself why, counter yourself with WHY NOT. It's the best line I've ever used. Try it.