Defy

After not writing for so long, coming here is wierd. But nobody's calling me sane. I have two assignments due tomorrow, one I'm really excited about (literature) and the other not so much (creative arts). Time and time again, I question myself; if my interests clearly stood out (even now, it's right here under my nose) why on earth did I bother with psychology? I almost hate looking back, but these thoughts tend to come to you. Nevermind that, it's all water under the bridge now. I may or may not decide to finish the psych degree, but all I know is that I can't see myself as any kind of counsellor. Maybe I could a few years ago, and maybe I did. But not anymore.

Why am I here when I have two assignments due tomorrow? Just takin' a little break is all. Today's been a wierd day. I've been in a sort of limbo-like daze. I attributed it to lack of sleep and perhaps that explains why I'm even more paranoid than usual but ack, I want the weekend to arrive. I shall do my best with these asses and get sleep. SLEEP. How thee tempts me so.

Today was my last tutorial for two classes, one I couldn't get up for and the other was close-to-unbearable. I suppose I'm still shy, especially around girls and I don't know what to say to them. Plus most of them look at me in an odd way, which has been happening to me since kindergarten. Hey I smile at you, you can smile back y'know? It's so strange how girls can be so ungracious to other girls. Aren't we suppose to be on the same team?

I was just telling Babes a few weeks ago that back when I didn't have a car and had to travel by LRT, I had decided to carry out a simple social experiment. I decided that I would smile at everyone who caught my eye. It was more fun than I thought it would be, because most people smiled back. I concluded from this experiment that the people who smile back the most are elderly people (and it was really heartwarming too...awwww). Sadly, the people who smiled back the least were girls who were around my age. They just refused to smile back. Some would stare back blankly, some glared and some just looked away. It was really interesting to me but also pretty disappointing. Why wouldn't they smile back? What is this catty competition that goes on between people of the same sex (in fact, if I had to say, I don't think this happens more frequently with boys, I think it's more applicable for girls). However, I don't have any solid facts to back that up, it is just anecdotal experience.

Oh well, look how the brain goes into overdrive. I need to stop thinking and start writing. Goodnight folks, more to come.

p/s- I had a wonderful, awesome, thrilling experience last night watching football with some of my friends here and my Dear. I somehow will never forget this experience and I'll decide if I want to talk about it or not. It is sacred to me in a way. I may not be completely in love with football (yet) but I fell in love all over again with the person I spend all my days with. I can't explain it in a coherent manner but something about last night was simply magical to me.

Ok, off I go I DO need sleep.