Still Waters

Time: 5a.m.
Venue: , 24/7 Learning Common,Murdoch University Library, Perth
Song playing in my head: Come Back To What You Know by Embrace

I recall a time like this, almost exactly two years ago when I was awake at this ungodly hour for the same purpose. I had just watched a football match and decided to write about my experience on this very blog. It's amazing how many things have changed since then, and how some things will never ever change, despite the ever-moving hands on the clock. I am still Milan L. Sadhwani. I have not aged one bit so don't believe everything a birthday cake tells you (especially the lucky candle- they put that in to make you feel older, not luckier). I still sing in the shower, in my room and in my car. I still adore food and going out to eat in a nice restaurant. I still enjoy the small things around me. I still am a little girl and get scared easily even though I put up a "macho" front. I still have the same friends (I sure hope so) and I remain grateful for their being in my life. I still can only appreciate home; home to me is family, three square meals and a cosy room to retreat to.

Home is what I crave now. This place is not and never will be home. Perhaps I had assumptions about getting used to this country. Perhaps I thought, in a few months, I would be alright. The thing is, I am alright, I just want my home. You could say that I have a family here, and I certainly attempt to have three square meals in a regular day. But I don't have that coveted room. I don't have the safety net I once did. I don't want to have to look right and left everytime I leave my house. I don't want to brood over what might or might not happen. I just want a home.

I did not mean to bum out anybody, do take note. I might not have a home but I have somebody I can call home and that makes up for the paranoia and wariness that haunts my days in Australia.

Damn, don't I sound melodramatic. I guess all I really need is not look at everything as responsibilities, but as a challenge (as corny as that sounds, but hey I can be pretty corny when I want to). And also it would be nice to wake up one day and discover that my fairy godmother has cooked, cleaned and done my laundry. Oh yea, and my assignments too, if it's not too much trouble. But this is also life, no? What the hell am I whining about, did you hear yesterday's top news? This man from Vienna trapped his daughter in a small room for 24 years and had 7 of her children. Boy, aren't we lucky that we ain't European?

Ok, sending out happy thoughts to all. I promise, I do have some left, despite the above post.